Why do people ask where?

 

I have been diagnosed for 2 months now, still cannot get my head around it. I had surgery roughly 2 weeks ago. It's in a delicate place (vulval) plus i had a sentinal node disection in my groin. The surgery itself wasn't as bad as i had imagined,  though still painful obviously.

But why when i have plucked up courage to tell a relative or friend i have cancer do they ask, Where is it? 

Does it annoy the pants of anyone else to be asked where it is, or is it just me?

 

  • Hiya EllaRose1967.  Let me say at the outset that I have not had cancer myself but have lost too many people for whom I cared very much.  I have also cared for terminally ill  friends and neighbours.  In my experience people liked to be asked as they felt it meant that people were interested and caring; I think - and again those with more experience can say if they differ - it is a fairly natural question.   Cancers can vary so much.   When I have been in and out of neighbours houses helping them along I generally found them quite happy to talk about their innermost parts complete with all the details (for which I might not have asked!).  It is of course your body and if you don't feel happy talking about it then you can say so; but in this day and age there is nothing that seems to be off limits so I expect you may get used to it!  You don't say what your home circumstances are but I hope that you have family to help you through this and with whom you can discuss the intimate bits and pieces.   Let's hear from others as my experiences may not be the same as others.  Annie

  • How is your treatment plan coming on? I tell you what makes me muffle a giggle...it's when I get asked where, I then say in the breast and they immediately look at my breasts!! As if they are about to actually see the cancer! I find myself crossing my arms to try and hide them....honestly...some people....xxx

  • Marlyn, that made me laugh - did they think your boobs might disappear in front of their eyes?    Let us hope EllaRose does not get the same kind of curiosity!  Annie

  • Luckily I have quite a dark sense of humour.....it certainly has helped me ....that and this forum xxx

  • Thankyou for all replies. 

    Treatment plan is none existant at the moment, if it is i cannot remember being told about it? I go back next week to find results of biopsies and if surgery has been successful on the tumour . (or is that a treatment plan?)

    It's probably just me then that minds being asked where my cancer is. 

  • I think it's probably because vulvas are rarely discussed in public apart from possibly with very close female friends.

    Cancer, until relatively recently, was little talked about and maybe is only now due to the numbers able to be cured or have some longevity to living with the disease. When it was more or less a death sentence though, it was only talked about in whispers.

    I think the more open we are, the more quickly others might seek treatment for symptoms that have the possibility of cancer.

    All that being said though, you're as entitled to such privacy as you desire and free to discuss things or not. The area in question is usually kept private anyway.

     

  • Hi EllaRose,

    I am one of those people that gives way too much information when asked about where my cancer was. I can always tell by the looks on peoples faces.  Mine was cervical. Maybe you can ward off the question by disclosing it when you tell people you have cancer, such as: I have cancer, it is in my woman parts. Or, if you feel like it, say "in my closet right now". 

    Everyone's journey is different and it's ok if it annoys you. :) 

    Keep us posted.

    Laura x