So sorry for what's happening to you and your wife Scott, but glad you've been able to come on here and say how you are feeling.

There's very little that anyone can say that will help but please know that how you're feeling is entirely normal.  Irrational thoughts like feeling you're letting someone down are normal for us.  I'm the sick one in our marriage and I find myself feeling like I've let my husband down, yet I know he doesn't see it that way at all, and I know that it's stupid that I even entertain that thought for a second.  The thing about cancer is how the thoughts can ruin what would otherwise be a good evening together or nice day out (relatively obviously), the irrational thoughts just steal time from you if you let them, try not to let them win.

As dj says you seem to approach things in a logical way, and that is how I've approached my stage 3 breast cancer (still all very early stages for me, started June 'without' cancer).  I'm approaching it by taking control of what I can control.  With that in mind I agree that it's best to try and stop thinking about what you may be missing out on.  You had plans for your future but many of them may not have transpired, they may well have changed even, and all of that could have been the case even without the cancer.  What matters if your relationship with your wife, the love that you have is the experience to top all experiences, and you still have the chance to experience and relish that.

What you can do for now is live in the moment and make the most of every moment with your wife.  You will definitely have a future, no matter how unfeasible that seems just now, but leave it for the future, don't worry about it at the moment.  However, as the ill onet I will add, if your wife wants to talk to you about your future and have some comfort that she can know you'll be okay then I would give her that.  My husband still won't discuss 'what if' my treatment doesn't work yet my biggest fear is how he'll cope, that he might shut himself away and give up on life, and I do not want to leave this earth without knowing that he has the people and tools in place to manage.  Your wife will want to know that you are going to be okay and that you will do all you can to look after yourself.

One thing you might want to consider is if your Las Vegas trip really needs to be called off?  Is it possible that your wife could get time away from treatment to go there, or somewhere else if America is too far?  I totally get that health insurance goes up greatly etc. but if you can afford it then it's a dream that you may be able to achieve.  It may seem a huge hurdle to organise but if it is something you've both really wanted to do together then I would at least look into whether it is possible (with the extra organising required).  Talk to cancer charities, your wife's medical team etc. to see if it is a possibility.  It is the kind of thing that friends and family may even want to help you organise (and help fund) and even with this illness it could still be an amazing memory for you.  I always think it's worth weighing the length of life against the quality of that life.

Long one, sorry, but please look after yourself. I am dragging my husband to our local cancer charity so he can talk to someone that isn't me about my cancer and how it is making him feel etc. If you have that facility available to you consider using it so that you are thoroughly supported through this too.

Take care, LJx