Hi Ladies, 

I would just like to say Hello to you all, and would like to join this group/forum for support.

I went for a mammogram two and a half years ago, before i started HRT, and it was clear. I have had a small dimpling area on my left breast, just on the outer brown area of the nipple.

I felt a lump in the dimpling about six weeks ago, went to my GP, she said my breasts didnt feel too bad, but she was going to send me to the breast clinic anyway.

I waited about a week and went. On the day i had a mammogram, and then they said the consultant wanted another one, and then i had an ultra sound, and then the radiographer said she was going to do a biopsy. I was abit frightened as i was on my own and didnt expect any of this, but i had to have it.

I got dressed afterwards and waited to be called to see the consultant, who came in with a macmillan breast nurse, and told me that i have a small lump and he told me there and then that he thinks it is cancerous. I went back the following week and he confirmed that it was cancerous and proved positive to estrogen and progesterone. Could this be the HRT i asked him. He said it was hard to say!

Anyway, he said i would need a lumpectomy, radiotherapy, and Tamoxifen to treat this.

I was in such a state that i cancelled my op which should have been on the seventh of march just gone, as i needed time to get my head around things. Like most of you ladies, small lump or not, you start thinking if it has gone else where in your body, what happens to my girls, one of which has autism and is very dependant on me. I lost my mum fourteen months ago with Myeloma, so i am trying to come to terms with losing her still, and now i have this to contend with!

The consultant said i could end up losing my left nipple and the radiotherapy would cause abit of shrinkage. I keep looking down at my boobs and feel like crying, as to look at them, they seem fine. I am a 38D and the thought of having half of my left breast taken away, just for a lump the size of a baked bean, seems a little bit over the top!

Has any of you ladies had anything similar to what i have got to face, if so could you please tell me how your op and treatment is going. I have read mixed reviews about Tamoxafen and am scared that it will make me look old and horrible, as some women are saying they feel they have aged about ten years, others say they have been fine apart from some weight gain. I know i should be worrying more about getting this lump sorted, but i have very low self esteem to start with, and struggle with anxiety issues now, and have done for a while. I dont know how to cope or what to do. Part of me just wants to bury my head and just ignore it, i know i cant, but i am scared at what is going to happen. And then i worry incase this is the start of getting more cancer else where or in my other breast!

I have no support at home, i have no friends, I have my step dad, who hasnt given me any support since i lost my mum at all, and then there is my twin girls who are 24. One of them will help me, but the one who was left with autism, due to heart surgery when she was seven months old, is very reliant on me. Dont know how i am going to cope with her, as she is very demanding.

Any advice and friendly chats would be very much appreciated . I feel so low and scared at what is to come. xx