Cancer Research UK main site

The Fear

Balibee
Offline

Not me but my husband. A cough that wouldn't clear; xray, ultrasound, ct scan. Now tomorrow is a biopsy. Everything so far is terrifying.  I seem to remember only about ten words from the consultation on Friday: lung cancer, secondary, kidney tumour, inoperable. 

Then he said there was nothing he could say until the biopsy. I'm not sure there's much else he can say. Today I went to work and couldn't say anything because they would only ask questions I couldn't answer.  Now we have to wait in limbo over Christmas trying to create some kind of normal when I don't think we'll ever know normal again. I've read everything I could find and I wish I could unread it all. My husband wishes he'd never gone near the doctor. 

  • Offline in reply to Balibee
    Pleased to hear the lung drain went well and your husband is feeling more positive. No doubt the consultants will have a full treatment plan ready for the new year
  • Offline in reply to Midge2

    Hi Midge, thank you for asking.  We're away with friends for New Year. It's been a bit difficult but we sat with them last night and told them. He didn't want to, but I made him. I think it's helped a little.  It's proving to be a bit hard what with kids and dogs and just a lot of noise in general. He's cranky. Fingers crossed there'll be a letter waiting for us getting home next week. 

    Hope everyone had a good Christmas and fingers crossed for a healthy new year. 

     

  • Offline in reply to Balibee

    Hi

    I was in the thread just before Xmas and am heartened by some of the positive news. I've had some better and some disastrous days over the holidays, it's hard to tell people and the waves of panic can still floor me. I've taken a few positive steps in getting organised for chemo, I've registered with a support group, organised family visits and even bought some new piano music as my goal is to re-learn to play! I have my oncology visit Wednesday and am preparing questions. I wish everyone a lot of luck in 2017 and hope our stories are happier as the year progresses.

  • Offline in reply to Matas8
    Dear Balibee , well done for sharing your husbands situation and I hope the letter you are expecting arrives. Do keep us posted on how all is going. Matas8 good luck on Wednesday . I am a great believer in asking questions on all. Clearly we have to follow the advice of professionals but it's best to not just to be a blind follower . As am example i questioned the chemo drug they were going to use to sensitize the radiotherapy and they agreed to use a drug that had less side effects as very recent research had shown it was just as effective for Sqamous cell. Again please keep us informed on how you get on.
  • Offline in reply to Midge2

    Hi all.

    Matas8 Good luck tomorrow. And good luck relearning the piano!!! 

    We are home now and unfortunately no letter waiting.  Hopefully tomorrow and if not then I'll be chasing for an update tomorrow afternoon. We are in limbo. We can't tell anyone else yet because we have no answers to their questions because we have no answers to ours. I am trying so hard to stay positive but I feel myself wanting to crumble. My husband and I have snapped at each other more in the last week than we probably have in a year, I'm terrified to get more news and terrified not to. 

    And that all sounds so dreadfully weak. I'm sorry. 

  • Offline in reply to Balibee
    It does not sound weak at all. I understand fully re no news and news etc. My oldest son always said ignorance is not bliss get the answers and know what you are up against and take the treatment head on. You are bound to snap at each other as its not easy , not easy one bit. Once the treatment starts you will both feel more positive as you are doing something about the disease not just waiting . You also will speak to people face to face going through treatment , shoulder to shoulder .
  • Offline in reply to Matas8

    Hi Matas8

    How did you get on on Wednesday? 

    We are still waiting. My husband went back to the GP on Thursday because of a lump that had developed where his lung drain had been. Haematoma apparently. 

    But his gp also told him that we will be going back to our own hospital for further tests before we go to the cancer hospital. I have no idea why but it makes me nervous and worse that we still have nothing planned, no sense of going forward. His cough is getting worse. The doctor gave him cocodamol (For a cough!?!?)  But neither of us are getting any sleep and we just seem to be going downhill.  Lack of sleep will do that.  

    He has told his boss- who is an absolute legend of a man - and his senior Engineer, who will be taking on a lot of his workload. They are both fantastic. But still, we have no answers, no plan. 

  • Offline in reply to Balibee

    I can understand your frustration . A week of waiting feels like months and all you want is for the treatment to start to halt the disease . Hopefully all will start soon. Keep us informed . Midge 2

  • Offline in reply to Midge2
    Still nothing. Still nowhere. We have phoned the respiratory specialist we first saw and he is still on holiday. His secretary said we would be contacted by urology. We phoned them but were told at first that the doctor hadn't seen the scan results yet and when we phoned a few days later were told my husbands case has been handed back to respiratory. What does that mean? That the cancer is too far gone to bother with? The sense of abandonment grows. Our GP tries to be positive and mostly we are, but sitting here alone on a Saturday evening because my poor husband is in bed after exhausting himself with coughing so constantly for hours, I'm unable to find positivity anywhere.

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.