X Hi Kimberley I'm so sorry this is so sad he and you are so young :( do you have family around to help etc ? It is so hard. I appreciate they have a million other people to help but when it's your family it is frustrating we are still waiting on the biopsy which they said would be soon but chased this morning and she told me wouldn't likely be for another 2 weeks ! Ther seems to be no sense of urgency and u work in the nhs and it makes me resent it sometimes. Mums ok she's tired and keeps being sick seeing her like it is so upsetting . I'm worried she won't be strong enough for the chemo , sending you hugs 

Hi graham im really sorry to hear about your wife , life can be so cruel to those who least deserve it. How are you doing now and your children ? Yes I know they are difficult I'm just angry and upset especially that mum went back twice with bleeding and was told was a stomach bug and on one occasion she went in a lot of pain and the Gp said to her he hope it won't take long as she is on an emergency appt if only he knew now what te implications of this attitude have contributed too ! I'll never understand that attitude coming from a doctor makes you realise now that you must always get a second opinion and I can't help feeling guilty that I should have marched mum into the doctors myself and demanded more. But you trust them don't you. Thankyou for links too

No never, it was such a shock to us, my dad went from being a strong, happy moany git one minute to our crumbling mess the next, never seen him so upset, wish i could take it all away from him. No not yet, they are doing further testing to see which kind of chemo would react better to the certain strain of lung cancer so wont find out until fridya. We have to also be ready for the possibilty they might not even offer him chemo or advise him not to take it, depending on how long he has left. What about your mum? Is she having chemo? 

xx

Its ridiculously frustrating! Once there diagnosed you feel like its a matter of urgency because your whole world has stopped and they are still carrying on like normal and taking their time, definitely frustrating. My dad kept being sick too and they saw it was pneamonia which they have now treated. Have they said its normal for her to be sick and tired if she hasnt even had chemo yet? All i can say is the doctor told us when we went in last monday because my dad was breathless and coughing and it was causing her to be sick that if any new symptons come or get worse then to go straight to hospital. He said not to just dismiss it because you have cancer and its part of it all, but to take action if you feel something is worse or a new sympton is begginning. I am sure she is fine im just a life long panicker and hypocondriac so everything sets me on alert! Have you had consultations with the pallative nurses yet? There supposed to help, we havent seen ous yet but i think we have an appoointment with her this week.

Xx 

He's been on chemo twice now but unfortunately each time something else has occurred. He needed an emergency bowel operation last year when on chemo then only in January this year after starting chemo once again he ended up getting a blood clot which then lead to him having a stroke. He will be going to see the oncologist on Monday to see if he will be going back on chemo or not and see if there are any changes in the cancer cells. The chemo he's had is known as 'palliative.' He won't be cured but they'll try and help him live as long as possible, however long that may be. 

It's ever so tough, I have a two year old little boy who helps keep me going. It's my mum I worry about the most and how she will cope. Unfortunately since his diagnosis I see cancer everywhere I look, it really is scary. 

We are at the same point as you Kimberley she is having a biopsy from a part in the bone where it has spread they said it will best aid treatment but like you we have to be realistic it is horrible like you say I've seen my mum go rapidly downhill and its heart wrenching if I could have it rather than her I would ! Xx

No no one has said anything about it I may ask now you've said that because she feels so sick all the time I would have thought you just have pain from the tumours x

We didn't actually realise it was palliative he was having until about 5 months later when my mum read a letter he'd been sent and it stated the chemo he had was 'palliative' so it really sank in then. Same here, my mum lives for my dad, he's her purpose for every day. She does so much for him that I fear once it's all stopped she will feel lost and I worry she will get really depressed as she's showing signs already. But I'm trying to keep it together for them so they feel someone's at least being strong and I think they need that. 

I'm religious, Catholic.  But I do wonder sometimes why these things happen and why to only certain people, usually decent people. That is heartbreaking for you we always think about what they may miss out on like for me I worry my dad will never walk me down the aisle. But I try not to depress myself too much with those thoughts and just try and hope for the best as that's all we can do really. Xx 

We're all doing surprisingly well thank you Twinkle star - it's hard but we're a tough bunch

I know when people are diagnosed there's such a desire for immediate action and not to wait for tests that seem to take for ever but let me give you another perspective.

My wife, Melanie, had a slightly unusual type of cancer - rather than a lump growing it showed as a thickening of the wall of the peritoneum - the sack-like bag that seperates your stomach muscles from your organs. The oncologist likened it to dandilion seeds spreading through her as such it wasn't really practical to get a sample to do tests.

The first rounds of chemo were effective but then, as happens, the cancer developed immunity and it stopped working. What to try next ? - it had to be a guess. We went for one called Doxil, 2 or 3 cycles of that at 3 weeks a cycle and it didn't work! then 6 weeks for her to be free of chemo to try again - to guess again.

What we wouldn't have given for a biopsy and tests to tell us what to choose.

In the end there was one more possibility but it was very toxic and only had 15% chance of working - she decided against it - with tests we'd have known whether it was worth the toxicity

A final blow is when you've exhausted conventional drugs and are looking at whether you can get on a clinical trial a number of them specify that a biopsy sample needs to be available.

Cancer is a cruel disease and it seems cruel to wait for biopsy samples to be tested and analysed and the results returned but the alternative is an awful lot crueller