Hi JB

You are allowed to be self indulgent if you want to after all you've been through, don't be hard on yourself. Even the toughest of us get down, sad, angry, feel sorry for ourselves and every other emotion its possible to feel. As all of us here with this awful disease can testify. It also doesn't help to know that others may be worse off than you, or in more pain etc. It doesnt relieve your particular symptoms no matter how empathetic you are to others. I've had an unexpectedly bad day today for no reason, with an irrational feeling of dread taking over at times. I'm keeping busy tonight by catching up with my accounts which get neglected whem Im feeling ill, as you can see Ive strayed from my task. Maybe tomorrow will be a better day for both of us. Im going to make tea in a minute and will pour a long distance cup for you. Take care Kim

Hi, Janet, as Kim has said, we all go through all those emotions on a regular basis.  In fact I have just had 3 days of it and ended up bawling my eyes out.  little things that I used to ignore are now blown up into hugely unnecessary problems.  

You have had a huge shock to your system with your operation and now chemotherapy.  I really hope that you can get through your moments of sadness and please come and talk to us, we might not have the answers but we do know how you are feeling. x 

Thanks Pauline, I seemed to cope with the surgery like nothing important had happenned but each time I swallow the dosage of prescribed tablets I notice I am feeling a little more down... definitely not my character as I am always so positive.... I hope this feeling ends by morning and I make myself realise how fortunate I really am and be more considerate to everyone else.  Gosh and I am only in my first week of treatment.... I really need to pull it together.  So nice to hear words of understanding from you all, at least you don't feel alone. xx

I will get it together I promise :)

Sorry meant to say hope you feeling better and not bawling anymore xx it is hard xx

Hi Janet,

Just thought I'd say "hello".

There isn't much I can add to Lim and Pauline's messages, we are all affected one way or another by this experience - I tend to become Mr Angry or Mr Grumpy from time to time. Which isn't easy for people living with me, I know. That said, this is a great place to come to for a rant or a moan :-)

Good luck
Dave

Hi Dave its so nice to meet you, Just from the messages I have received already from Kim, Pauline and now yourself I feel 'not so alone already'.... its nice to be able to talk to people who understand and not judge.... seems like 'friends' accept surgery easier than 'cancer' ..... in saying that I am still lucky to have some friends that will listen to me :) just today seem to be down, first time in 8weeks so can't be doing too bad!  Well Mr Angry or Mr Grumpy I will be happy to lend an ear to bend, save your family if I can :)

Best wishes, love and light Dave thank you for reaching out

Hi JB

Put on some lively music and dance round the house like an idiot.  Alternativly put on a weepy film and then you can let it all out.  Whatever you do no miserable or depressing music or films.

Could also be the medication making you down - I used to write a chemo diary with how I felt everyday (including the days I was fine) - you may soon spot a pattern-  Its also useful for when you see the Doctor and they ask how you have been, Mine looked rather shocked when I produced this sheet listing the last three weeks.

Hang on in there

Hi River56

thats a great idea, the diary part... after abdominal surgery maybe not the dance part yet hahaha well not so down this morning, but sleepless uncomfortable night.  I think you spot oon that the medication is assisting with both my emotions and other very funny things going on with my body.  My eyes have been open like saucers and have had no sleep since 5am yesterday, my joints when I lay down have tiny spasms (only way I can describe it) but not sore just not helping me when trying to sleep. And I am getting very strange sensations over my abdominal area where my scar is, scar slightly red and lifted, but nothing oozing and not sore just electric to the touch.  I am going to write everything down I think thats a great idea thank you.

Otherwise I hope everyone has had a comfortable night and will face today with enthusiasm, love, laughter and hope <3 if anyone is not feeling great today I send them love and light <3

Hi JB glad you are feeling a bit better today​. I remember after my first chemo session I could not sleep and was bouncing off the walls (not literally). The doctor put it down to the steroids - so they reduced the dose. My joints used to be painful and I had terrible pain in my legs and feet for a few days but it did wear off. Using the diary I soon saw a pattern and avoided spicy food, coffee and alcohol just before treatment until the pain went. I also got like little electric shocks round my scar area the district nurse said this was normal it's the nerves healing. I would still mention everything to your doctor before your next treatment. Just remember your body has been knocked about and now is being poisoned it's bound to react.