Cancer Research UK main site

in shock

mrsV
Offline

So my step father (63yrs old) was a very fit man, hgv driver, never poorly, a little over weight but nothing more. He was suffering with knee pain and as a result ended up having to have a knee replacement about 6 weeks ago, his knee was recovering well, however he was complaining of stomach pains and not being able to go to the loo, he was given an enema and various other laxatives to ease the discomfort but he still complained he was in pain, his appetite went and he began to lose weight. He visited the gp about 6 times, each time he was told his stomach was ok and sent home. Last Saturday he was admitted to a and e as he was complaining of back pains, after several diagnosis including collapsed lung, blood clot on lung, and fluid on lungs, today he has been told he has 3 tumours on his liver and the cancer has spread to his lungs, when he asked about timescales he was told weeks. We are in absolute shock and can not understand this prognosis! He appears well, he does not look like he is dying. My mum has gone into auto pilot and they are going to talk funerals etc over the next few days. I cannot comprehend what he is going through being told this, we are all absolutely devastated, so many questions, how has this ever got missed? How long has it been there? Why has this never been seen before? I feel numb tonight and thought by finding a forum to write it down on and gather other people's thoughts might help. 

Thanks you for reading

  • Offline

    Hi MrsV

    I'm so sorry that you and your family are going through  such pain right now. Being told you have cancer is bad enough but to be told you potentially have weeks to live must be devastating for you all.

    How brave of your mum and step dad to be sorting out funeral arrangements. What a lovely caring man he must be to want to sort out difficult details such as his funeral so you, his loved ones aren't left to deal with that. My own husband has incurable lung cancer and he has been organising all sorts of stuff for me to make things easier when he is gone. I think it gives our loved ones a degree of control in a cra**y situation. 

    I'm not sure you will ever get an answer to how long it's been there or how it might have been missed. I wonder this about my dear husbands cancer and wonder if we should have noticed some symptoms. The truth is, having those answers won't change anything now :(  I hope you and your family are getting good support. I found the free Macmillan helpline very useful and supportive. Friends can also be a great source of comfort and strength if you feel you can share your situation with them (we created a Facebook group to give friends updates and that has been a helpful way to pass on news and get support)

    It's unfortunate that your posting seemed to slip through the support net for a few days here on the forums. You will usually find lots of lovely friendly supportive people here who do know how you are feeling and what you are going through.

    Sending you and your family a virtual hug 

    Inula x 

     

     

  • Offline

    Hi MrsV,

    Sorry to hear about your stepfather. It always seems much harder when the news comes out of the blue without any warning or the chance to prepare for bad news.

    Sadly, many of us reach Stage IV without being diagnosed. The classic symptoms are widely known but not everyone displays all of them and they can be easily be mistaken for something else especially if we've only suffered from mild discomfort. That said, I am surprised that his GP said that his stomach was OK without referring him on for further diagnostic tests, especially as by that time he was suffering from unexplained weight loss. 

    What treatment options has your stepfather been offered, is his pain now under control? Has chemo been considered - it won't cure him but it might possibly slow down the growth of the tumours.

    By all means talk about funeral arrangements, but also try to help him fight this awful disease for as long as he can. I wouldn't want to raise any false hope, but try not to give up hope too soon.   

     

    Best wishes
    Dave 

     

Speak to a nurse

Quick links

Follow us

Registered with Fundraising Regulator (logo)
Cancer Research UK is a registered charity in England and Wales (1089464), Scotland (SC041666), the Isle of Man (1103) and Jersey (247). A company limited by guarantee. Registered company in England and Wales (4325234) and the Isle of Man (5713F). Registered address: 2 Redman Place, London, E20 1JQ.