Thank you Gary. As you can already see there are a great bunch of virtual buddies to chat to here and you can rest assured that no one makes judgements.  Sometimes it just feels good to offload to those not in your real life personal circle but so understand some of what you are facing.  All our journies are of course separate but hope you will feel part of the community and know that the forum is here when you want it to be.  All the very best with your on going treatment and medical support. Jules

Hello Max.  Thanks for getting in touch with me.  I start my 2nd cycle in 2 weeks.  Lets wish us both the best of luck!  Happy to chat further if I can help even a little.

Your profile photo is of a Jack Russell?  I have a 4yr old Jack that looks almost exactly like your photo.  He is is a great character and I spoil him!

Gary

Thanks Steven.  Dont feel too sad for me.  I have been fortunate in many ways during my life.  My challenge now is to not let that become lost or forgotten in whatever lies ahead.

Gary

j

Just popped online before a dentist visit and saw your post.  Thanks for your reply - and likewise, if you need a chat I pop on here pretty regularly.

Yep Alfie is a JR - he is 11months old and the sweetest, kindest little dog imaginable. We had another JR before him who was lovely but very feisty bless him.  As for spoiling our pooch - we do that too - he has just had some cooked topside!

I, like you, have many things to feel fortunate for in this life so 99% of the time I dont dwell on my situation. Our daughter is getting married in May which is why I decided on the new chemo - I want to be here to see that.  It was wonderful going with her to choose her dress, something I never envisaged possible and of course she looks beautiful!  My family are very supportive and I have a lot of great friends - many things to be happy about albeit I would love to be with them all a while longer.  How about you, have you a supportive network around you?

Keep in touch Gary - I best nip off for my filling - lovely!  Have a good day - its really windy here - best hold on to the wig haha! x

Gary,

My wife had Stereotactic Radio Surgery (aka as Cyberkinife as mentioned by Max) for a non-cancer brain condition last year and if that is an option I'd recommend going for that as the recovery period is fast compared with the alternatives and the side effects are minimal. 

As for dealing with such a *** prognosis ... I'm not sure how any of us cope with that but we seem to. I could give you the ageing hippy advice about accentuating the positive and looking for beauty in nature, but I think the reality is more visceral. Our mental attitude won't prolong or reduce our life expectancy but a negative attitude will mean that time drags out for you and those who love you as you suffer in misery awaiting the inevitable. If you feel depressed or in pain take whatever drugs are available to alleviate the symptoms and help you maintain a good quality of life. Forget the normal social constraints and do whatever you have always wanted to do or revisit places and experiences that you have enjoyed in the past. As my Grandad, a wise old Lancastrian who in his lifetime had fought both cancer and the ***, put it to me as a teenager "enjoy yourself while you can son, you're a long time dead!" 

I realise this posting is of absolutely no practical use, but I do hope it made you smile :-)
 

All the best
Dave

@brighteyes ... Steven - if you think we are a peaceful community you have obviously never met me or Max in person lol I've always been a stroppy beggar, if anything my cancer diagnosis has made me stroppier and more intolerant as my long-suffering wife and family will testify :-)
Cheers
Dave

ps I'm definitely with Dylan Thomas on this one www.youtube.com/watch

pps @Gary99 - sorry for going off topic lol

Hi Max, hope the dentist visit went ok.  

May I share some of my thoughts with you?

I wish I didnt know my prognosis.  I have been one who has repeated the old cliche about "better to be hit by the bus" but obviously then from an entirely abstract POV.  Although I have the experience of a close family member who has a degenerative illness.  But I suppose being told was unavoidable and it cant be turned back now.

Ive never had some list of grand ambitions - no desire to climb Everest or take a world cruise.  I live an ordinary life of similar routine to most people I guess.  That hasnt changed so far since finding out. Sometimes I feel like it should change and Im wasting time - but it would seem hollow to do something for that reason only.

I probably sound a lot calmer than I actually feel.  I do worry if I will get more frightened when I become more unwell.  But I mostly worry about the person Ive spent the last 20 yrs with and who cares for me now.  I think I have the easier task in the end.  I have vented my frustration and anxiety but regretted it immediately.  It does no good.  This is the reason that I want to stay positive and not corrode years of good memories when it counts the most. This is the path I want to try and find for both of us.

By the way, my JR is called Bertie

Gary

Gary .....

I understand exactly what you say - I too wish I didnt know my prognosis but I guess nowadays the doctors have to meet so many regulations that they are possibly in a situation where they have to be totally honest with their patients for fear of being sued.  At times they must feel that it is not in the patients best interest to know the full facts but probably are not allowed to withhold information.  I can remember when my Mum was very ill in 1975 - the family were all told and it was my Dad who was asked if he wanted Mum to know - he said 'no'. This would never be allowed to happen now - it would be the patient who was asked if they wanted their family informed.

I too dont want to do anything earth-shattering although many people make you feel like you should. All I truly want to do is be here in the house I love, with the family that I love, and see friends etc and feel rested and peaceful.

As for our partners - gosh they have a difficult task and I am full of admiration for how they cope. I am not sure I would do such a good job as my OH if the situation was in reverse.  I am sure you have vented your frustrations to the person you love - but just ensure that you apologise and talk openly about how you feel.  I have told my hubbie many times that I dont want him remembering me with this illness but to remember the many years before C entered our lives and the fun we had.  We talk a lot about our fears, hopes etc to each other and I hope you can do the same.  I know this may sound a bit strange but I have also written letters to my husband and children and wrapped a few special memory gifts for them in case I get too poorly to do so later.  It is comforting for me to know that I have told them exactly how I feel about them and they will have these to keep - I would hate to think that there were things I had left unsaid.

This is a difficult journey to take Gary, there is no denying that - but it is the card we have been dealt and I guess there are many travelling the same path.  We just have to take it day by day - I try and think that I am living with cancer and forget the 'dying of' bit.

I may be offline for a few days because I am off to London tomorrow for chemo. Take care of yourself and I will speak to you soon.  I am glad you have joined the forum and hope you have found comfort here knowing that you are not alone in your thoughts. x

 Hi Gary - I'm in a slightly bizarre situation really. Let me tell you about it. Before the big C picked on me, I was aware of another cancer journey. My ex-husband and I have stayed in touch and about 2 1/2 years ago he called to tell me that his girlfriend had been diagnosed with lung cancer and secondary tumours in the brain. She was given a poor prognosis. My ex however did not accept that the brain tumours were inoperable. He found a leading consultant and they got a second opinion. Subsequently a successful operation has led to different treatment options and she has exceeded the "statistical" life expectancy she was given. Then a year ago, an ironic double whammy for my ex as I was diagnosed with advanced breast cancer. My last consultation with my oncologist was not good news, the presence of liver tumours had been found. I did not think much of the narrow treatment options and also felt I was being given a "reaching the end of the road" outlook. But with a few nudges from max I have now got a few more options.  I would just advise that there can be some real benefits of being not just positive but proactive, and I can testify to this! As for lifespan indications it is likely you are being given averages based on statistical data,  so treat it like you've heard it from a politician. Hope this helps, Gill