I am glad to hear you are feeling a little better today - its glorious sunshine where I live but very cold with a good crisp frost, good dog walking weather if you are snug in a scarf etc.  I feel envious of people who have a strong faith I must admit because I am sure they must feel a great sense of comfort in their beliefs, especially when in our situation. It is such a personal thing and I am sure that the decisions you have made about that are the right ones for you based on your life experiences. I dont think too much about it except to try and reciprocate kindness to others and show my family and friends how much they mean to me. Hope your shopping trip goes well - not my favourite job I must admit haha! x

Feeling confused, managed shopping,  came home felt tired. When I met consultant, I pushed her to confirm this was a death sentence, the chemo was just to shrink tumour, delay spread and improve the quality of life.

I've always been a fighter, if theirs an injustice, I'm  there. Every body reminds me of this and had lots of messages urging me to fight. They have psyched me up, but I have now got to face reality, I cannot write a letter or stand up in court to fight this *** cancer,  its in me and I'm coming back to Earth again.

Tony,

I said in an earlier post that I believe that someone's core personality will surface again once the initial shock has started to pass. You've considered the options and have chosen to have the chemo. If you look at all the times in your life that you chose to fight, the motivation and determination came from within your mind - nowhere else.

This isn't a death sentence - more a reprieve, a commutation, or a suspended sentence. It is a raw deal for sure though.

I laughed out loud at your certificate of excommunication - at 15 I was almost thrown out of high school for arguing the case for atheism with the (Catholic) school chaplain and organising a boycott of the compulsory RE exams! 

Cheers
Dave

ps have you come across the 7 stages of grief model? It isn't perfect but it does help me understand how we tend to react to bad news. We all react slightly differently and spend more or less time in each stage depending on our individual differences and the nature of the issues we are facing. "Acceptance" isn't just blind acceptance, more finding the best way forward for ourselves. 

[[]]

Interesting  chart, and yes, I can identify with it . Although I'm  still in all of the stages at various times.

I've always been a joker, and am still joking, but I don't find it funny any more.

Sue and all her family play musical instruments, their lives revolve around music, and I only ever listen to Radio 4, so everybody laughed at my eulogy, when I said, listening to Radio4, my choice of music was limitedto The Archers and The Shipping Forecast theme tunes.

Unfortunately, I'm turning into someone that mno body recognises, my jokes are morbid and no one really knows how to deal with me.

Having a kidney test tomorrow to see if I can cope with chemotherapy, then next week meeting with chemotherapy nurses to take bloods etc and, IF ALL OK, chemotherapy to start following week. 

Have been looking at having a weekends in Dublin but I think my days of travelling are over, cheapest quote is £1500

Hi Tony,

Travel Insurance can be ridiculously expensive - don't tick the box for "terminal diagnosis" unless your oncologist has used those exact words. Inoperable and terminal don't necessarily mean the same thing.

For what it's worth, I've been using "All Clear" - who seem to give the cheapest online quotes.

Dave