I am sitting in my hotel room in Malaysia still reeling from my second brest cancer diagnosis in 8 years same bon not sure why she hates me and wants to kill me lol the left one is good as gold 

I was told at my mamo and ultrasound apt it was cancer did not even wait until I’d seen the dr or had the biopsy - the dr did that the same day and results weee in 72 hours later it’s quick and efficient here that’s why I came the waiting list was scary in the UK  I saw my GP Oct 31 and was told by my hospital trust to expect an apt late December !!! And results could take 10 days 

I fly home Sunday arrive Monday and see the surgeon Friday to arrange a scan probably bloods coz why not add to the torture - I’m needle phobic - and for me at stage 2 A ( previously stage Zero ) they will start chemo asap - here they said they would have scanned me out my port in at my  biopsy results apt and started chemo next week and drugs immediately 

I can understand how your head must be spinning it like a bad dream you wake up and then it hits you I Have Cancer  during the day I’ll go to see a temple or a fancy mall to distract myself but it comes in waves I Burst into tears in a sunglasses shop because I saw my beautiful extra long ginger hair in the mirror and my if I’d do day so myself lovely chest knowing that these two things have been part of my Jeddies Rabbit  like identity for 40 years and soon they and a huge part of me will be gone 

I have still to decide on my treatment but being rebuilt is somthing I’d like but they have already said they can’t get implants as large as I’d like to keep me looking like me ( 34 G )  so I have to come to terms with that part too 

I hope you have a strong support system I don’t feel that I do particularly my partner is immature and wishy washy  and his needs coming first and my mother a narcissistic pensioner that I help take care of not the other way round lol 

I don’t realy have any advice just know that you are not alone and that there are a lot of us at all stages of this horrendous ride and you will get thru it  I had ladies tell me that in 2016 it seemed like it went in one ear and out the other I thought noooo this will go on for ages but it actually flew by 

take one step at a time break it into doable capable steps each apt at a time  and you will be post surgery and on your way to recovery very soon 

there wI’ll be resources ( I don’t know about the UK as I lived in the Sates last time ) I’ve got to find them too but there will be people to talk things thru with and your local vicar or the like if you are religious  and struggling  can often be of help in not personally but when in hospital they have ladies they come round that are non denominational  don’t be afraid to reach out if you get down and over loaded 

when friends say how can I help have an actual list of how  of what you need 

come and do laundry / meal train / house work / grocery shopping / a ride to an appointment 

let people know what you do and don’t want 

I did not want pink wrist bands saying I’m a fighter and other trite *** I did not want donations to cancer charity’s in my name I needed dinners cooked as my then husband had his own one man buissness and if he did not bill hours we did not get an income I was 7 weeks off work without any money 

font worry about Christmas if you celebrate it ususly go to someone else’s house don’t try to worry about hosting people will understand 

I have not told my family yet I will next week and I’m not celebrating Christmas I have zero desire to be with my family  and pretend it’s all ok it’s NOT and it’s ok  stamp your foot scream at the wall or cry when you want to ITS NOT FAIR and it’s ok to feel sorry for yourself I used to see kids at MD Anderson in Houston and think how can I have a pitty party when that little girl is worse off but my oncologist ( getting used to even have an oncologist with weird I’ve never had a specialist for anything before)  said you are a cancer patient you can feel however you feel and a pitty party  is your right 

talk to your employer if you have one too they can help eliminate any work stress and get cover for your appointments 

I went between beeing very private about it all and telling as many as I could  1 it got me the help I needed 

2 it draws attention to Mamogram’s and 4 ladies got their first ever including my own mother in her 60’s because I talked about how it found my first cancer ( this time a huge hard as rock lump formed in my brest that I though was scar tissue from before as I’d lost a stone and a half and my brests started to feel different afterwards but I soon realized it was not scar tissue that I could now feel .

it may help to shop for a wig sooner rather than later make sure you know types and costs 

I think lace front natural hair looks the most realistic if you should choose to wear one but they start at about 250 quid  so be prepared the NahS ones are ususly a poorer quality my mother had cancer 4 years ago now and the ones she had to choose rom were quite frankly booming awful and she bought one of her own for 350 in the end but it was never fitted correctly and always looked like it was plonked on her head about to fly off lol 

but she did not want to be a bother to go back to the shop ( she is only difficult with family  she is nice to everybody else lol ) 

be a bother let your voice be heard let people know your wishes needs and wants  be selfish you  deserve to have this ride be as eat on YOU  as possible and hang in there 

I wish you a full and speedy recovery 

and sorry for the long winded nature I guess I needed to talk too  I have a friend with me here he paid for my flight out and the apartment rental it’s two bed two bath with amazing views of KL skyscrapers and just a hint of the very top of the Patronas towers 

and having that view and getting in the pool to cool of has been a great distraction so find what distracts you 

sorry for any grammar or spelling  errors too as I’m using my old glasses as my eyes are too sore for my contacts at the moment from crying so much and this print is tiny lol

Good luck you got this we both have xxx