Hi Fayee,

 I don't know if I am actually going to be any help as I am as lost as you are! Maybe knowing you are not alone may help  

My Husband is 46, We are waiting diagnosis but it doesn't look hopeful for us right now, from what we know right now we are looking at T4 N0/1 M0 but he has other tests pending on his prostate.

My advice is cry! The emotion has to go somewhere and it is far healthier to come out than not. It is so terrifying right now not knowing what we are facing so i know exactly how you are feeling. I go from being optimistic that we can fight this to terrified of loosing him and what it will mean for the kids. I sometimes struggle with what to say to him as i cant make this better for him. What i said to get him to open up was I am so scared for you and I don't know what to do. 

Right now the big things are outside our control and all we can do is hope that they can get through this. I find focusing on the little things help, I can ensure he is not in pain, he is comfortable and that he is getting the right nutrition to help, I can take care of the kids and the finances. Having things I can control and do help me get through day to day.

Im hoping I've helped in some small way and I am here if you ever want to talk xx

We found the best way of coping was to focus on the “what now” rather than the “what might”. Depending on his diagnosis and health your husband could be facing surgery, radiotherapy and chemotherapy. All these will be tough but, if you can, try to concentrate on the day to day. Speculating about the future, the ifs and buts, sends me crazy. It happens sometimes in the small hours of the morning when I can’t sleep but I do everything I can to avoid it if possible. It was enough to cope with getting to the radiotherapy session every day for 6 weeks, or coping with the side effects of the various treatments. We all react differently to this horrible thing but I try to find something pleasant and positive in each day.

Thank you for the kind words. I love that idea of having a positive to focus on each day.

I'm hoping it gets easier once the diagnosis comes not knowing and fearing the worst is a special kind of torture! 

Thank you for the kind words. I love that idea of having a positive to focus on each day.

I'm hoping it gets easier once the diagnosis comes not knowing and fearing the worst is a special kind of torture!