Hi Paintgirl

I really hope we can talk about this in the future as a distant  memory…. because at the moment I’m really struggling and I’m fed up with feeling so overwhelmed. I used to think I could cope with anything and everything that life threw at me. Now I’m just drained.

Thank you for being there.

Heres to all the people we can help in the future by understanding what they are going through..

Take care

Beepa, you’ve taken the words out of my mouth. I lurch between feelings of inadequacy, self blame, anger and feeling like a piece of meat. Professionals are well meaning but often very rushed and sometimes dismissive. I said no to having a med student examine last week as I had no more capacity to be examined - and - the consultant seemed really annoyed. A consultant asked me what stage of my oncology journey I was at. What does that even mean? She had my notes in front of her. The person doing the ultrasound to check a second lump asked me what the green stain around my nipple was.
I often feel unpopular at best and a nuiscance.
Last  RT tomorrow then I hope to find my new self - no more hands on me, at least for a while. I  do have moments of feeling ordinary and hope those moments will strengthen and last.  I’m eternally grateful for being able to lurk in the shadows of this chat populated by beautiful and thoughtful others. Thank you all. You’ve kept me going.

Hi Beepa

I can relate to having been poked and prodded. I’ve just had enough! Today at the clinic I explained to my cancer care nurse that I knew I might need another operation before radiotherapy, but honestly I’ve just had enough. Trying to make light of the huge amount of swelling and a much larger wound than last time, I don’t think I can go through another operation. I really hope I don’t have too! A few days ago I imagined I would feel more positive. In the end I had some reassurance from the consultant, but it’s back to the waiting game…. 9 days and counting!?!! I was really snappy with loved ones at home, which isn’t like me! Being part of cancer chat today has helped me get through a difficult day. I’ve cried a lot … I needed to!
Maybe tomorrow I’ll start to pep myself up again. It’s good that you’re feeling back on track this evening. Tomorrow that could be me!?!

Thank you for being there

X

Hi

I’m sorry to hear you were even asked, what stage of your oncology journey you were at? Sometimes I’d rather not even hear the word journey, because today I would have just snapped back, “What about the here and now!?!” I also know that everyone is doing their best to help, but honestly enough is enough!

Hoping to be more balanced tomorrow….

Take care

X

Hi Helly, it sounds like you've had to deal with a lot. I'm really glad to hear you're on your last RT treatment. I know there'll be follow up appointments and waiting for the all clear, but hopefully you'll get back to longer periods of just being you and living a private, autonomous life again! Xx

Hello, I can see how easy it is to get to the point of just having enough! It's such a weight living in limbo and waiting on results and next steps. I was trying to be super brave at the start, but that's not sustainable. I get an emotional build up that I have to let go by crying too. I don't want to let my husband and family see that I'm upset, but it's sometimes too much to think about other people, even though we love them, when going through such horrible experiences. Then the guilt inevitably creeps in...

I hope you feel better tomorrow x

Thanks for that Beepa

I’m the same. I try to put on a brave face for my family and I don’t like letting my husband know how upset I get. My emotions do build up and I just need to feel sad and cry. It’s my way of coping.

Take care

X

Hello

To all you amazing people out there….

After struggling through the night …. I slept a bit this morning…..

AND

NOW …. a slightly crazy thought popped into my head!?!!

James Bond had a licence….

WE’VE ALL GOT A LICENCE TO HEAL

HONESTLY…. I love the James Bond movies with Daniel Craig in ….

BUT if I’m in a movie of my life …. it’s easier to think that way to cope with what’s happening….

THEN I’m glad I’ve got the licence to heal … not the other one!?!!

My best wishes to you all

X

Since being diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer I am also on that roller coaster ride. I am still in the angry stage as the last 12 months I have seen 3 professionals to complain about breast pains (one was at the breast clinic) and each time I was told there was nothing to be concerned about (I had been hit by a hard dog ball in the breast while out running), and that it was bruised tissue which would eventually heal. Fourth visit and final the GP took notice. Two weeks later I was diagnosed with grade 3 breast cancer. Waiting to hear if I am triple negative before chemotherapy treatment. I have only told my partner and not children or family yet as want to  get a few chemo sessions under my belt and say, ‘look everyone I am fine and I am coping’. If I did not have children I would weirdly accept that I may die, but having children is a different ball game. It is what it is and I leave my fate to whatever comes my way. I have two options, carry on with life the best way I can, or hide under the duvet, and to be honest I have not decided which yet.

Best wishes