Hi Birdnest, so sorry to hear of your diagnosis, regarding friends not visiting, usually it's because they are scared of saying the wrong thing and don't want to upset you, maybe they think you don't want visitors and need some time by yourself to work things out or maybe their not the people you thought they were or perhaps they just need a little time. I was lucky as i was in healthcare over 15 years, so many of my friends from healthcare knew how to relate to me, but my non healthcare friends apart from 3, either disappeared or i saw them much less, PS my cancer is terminal which i know is hard for others to cope with, take care.
Thank you so much for answering me, will take on board what you have said and not be so hasty to judge people. Have a scan on Monday coming and hopefully be starting radiotherapy in about 2 weeks time. I am so sorry to hear your cancer is terminal take care .
Hi, you are very welcome, Best of luck with the scan and RT, which is a much nicer experience than than you expect, the staff are wonderful. take care.
When I was first diagnosed someone on here said “now you’ll find out who your real friends are!” That was very true. Some of them were fair weather friends only interested in having fun nights out, others were stunned for a while then were amazingly supportive. Some people I hardly knew before turned out to be true friends.
Thaat said, it’s early days, some of them might be waiting to be invited around because they don’t want to intrude - there’s no real etiquette around this especially if your the first of your peer group to have a life-threatening condition.
I'm guessing they are scared. Scared you'll look really ill. Scared they won't know what to say. Scared they'll get upset and make things worse for you because then you'll have to deal with their emotions.
Some might also wonder if they'll be a nuisance, thinking you might not want to deal with them right now.
I'm new here, having problems with a bit of ear skin cancer, but just read your post.
In a different way, I'm going through something similar but in reverse if that makes sense. I've an ex workmate who's just announced that he's just been diagnosed cancer in the throat, lymph nodes and lungs. He's been told to put his affairs in order as this is terminal. I wanted to go see him but my wife says it's ghoulish me turning up (wouldn't go unannounced anyway).
Reading your post, I don't think I'm being ghoulish, just concerned.
Sorry about your diagnosis. I hope things get better for you.
Hi! NeilM I am sorry to hear about your illness and I am really sorry to hear about your workmate.You are not being ghoulish and you must go to visit him.
if that is what you feel you need to do then you go,and I am sure he would be pleased to see you.
My brother was diagnosed with lung cancer and it was terminal,he only lived 3 months after he was told,but he loved his workmates visiting and I spent every possible moment with him that I could,and that why I find it difficult now when I see friends and family shying away from me.
I am doing well at the moment but you go visit your workmate because you might regret it later .You take care of yourself
