Hi, so sorry to hear that you're suffering from the dreaded C.

Using my own experience I can honestly say that there's not "a normal" way to cope with everything. You're at the start of a long journey and your emotions will be all over the place. Determined, angry, followed by sobbing into the pillow quietly at night so not to upset anyone. And that's just one day . There will be good days and bad days ahead. I get really angry at people telling me to remain positive, you might feel the same or not. Cope any way you can. Ask for help when you need it and ask to be left alone if that's what you need at that very moment.

I wish you the very best of luck with your treatment and hope you have a long and happy future xx 

Thank you for responding and your kind words of encouragement. I do feel I'm on a roller coast ride of emotions and thus far have experienced a whole raft of them from feeling guilty, determined, to tearful and it's only mid afternoon. 

Trying to be strong, just ordered some new pj's for when I'm in hospital, then my mind jumped to "must get our will updated" and thinking about how, if faced with the worse possible prognosis, how I would want my mortal coil to be disposed of, what would be easiest on my family? 

Anyway I will take full heed of your words and wish you a full recovery and happy days ahead.

Thank you.

Love and hugs xxx

Hello,

You are at the worst stage, I think, of this journey, and possibly the worst bit of it is seeing your loved ones so upset.  Once you have had all the tests and have been given a plan of action you can then put your mind to the business of getting better and your thoughts will become less chaotic.

Good luck with your journey, I hope that in a couple of years, or less, you will be able to give this advice to someone in the position you are in now.

xx

Good morning, and a big thank for your kind words of reassurance.

Last night my husband, two daughters and their spouses and I had a Zoom video chat, and my dread of seeing their faces was utterly unfounded.

We talked about the univited elephant in the room, its impact on each and all of us and our anger that my diagnosis was delayed.

My story is this, I had an upper Gastro endoscopy followed by a colonoscopy on Saturday 4th performed by a locum team, both reported normal.

The following Sunday the 12th I had a CT Scan, which detected a "suspicious thickening of the mid section of my ascending colon with enlarged lymph glands".

Clearly something was array, and as I had recorded a positve FIT, a further dreaded colonoscopy was ordered.

Thank good ness for the MDT for coming to that decision.

This second colonoscopy was done at the same hospital by a Consultant led resident team on Tuesday 2nd August, when a  circumferential ulcerative malignant tumour measuring 40mm was detected. This did not just appear and in my view was present some two months earlier.

I will get over my anger, which is not solely caused by the clinician / team, who missed my tumour first time around, and focus my energies on fighting this, nor do I seek to attach blame to anyone, my situation is as it is, cannot be changed and there is little point on dwelling on the negatives, but being on this forum has given me the opportunity to vent, which I won't do at home. My loved ones need to know that I am good to go with what ever lies ahead.

Thank you for kind words, and I too wish you an uneventful healthy journey to recovery.

Hugs and love xxx

Hello Christine, so lovely to hear from you and although I am not unique, it is so reassuring to know that others, who perhaps started their cancer journey in similar or worse situations than I find myself, have battled through, anger laid to rest, humour intact. So very uplifting and thank you for sharing your personal experiences.

I am anticipating tough times ahead but am determined that this uninvited trespasser will not define my life or who I am, but importantly will be kicked into touch and shown that it gatecrashed the wrong party.

Thank you and sincerely hoping that your journey continues to be without hitch.

Love and hugs xxx