So sorry you're feeling this way but I totally understand. Everyone's brain works differently- some people block things out, others get swallowed by depression and anxiety. and others just seem to have this ability to plough on and keep the faith. It sounds like depression and anxiety are affecting you a lot right now, I'm prone to this also. 

Have you tried medication- specifically SSRI's? This might help things feel more manageable though it's not right for everyone. Also, cognitive behavioural therapy can be very useful? I have had CBT and I find it is helpful. It helps you recognise the types of thinking you're using that make you feel worse- for example, catastrophising and predicting the future (which is what you are doing by thinking you know the outcome of your illness). 
 

Take every day, every hour one step at a time. Distract yourself if you can, I like gardening, beauty routines, walks in nature, crafting, playing board games. I also find it helpful to be with others, I'll often feel like I'm not up to it but force myself to do it and it really helps. 
 

Let your husband support you, as you would for him. If the tables were turned, I'm sure you would do anything you could to be there for him, and that's what he wants to do for you, so let him. 

I hope that this dark period passes. It is more than possible to move out of these periods and feel better, and I believe you can. Ask the GP for proper sleep medication instead of taking a cocktail of things to sleep. 

Be kind to yourself and talk to others, not to seek reassurance but to hear comforting words that soothe you and lift you. It's ok to let people see your vulnerability and sadness. 

Wishing you a speedy recovery xxx
 

So sorry you're feeling this way but I totally understand. Everyone's brain works differently- some people block things out, others get swallowed by depression and anxiety. and others just seem to have this ability to plough on and keep the faith. It sounds like depression and anxiety are affecting you a lot right now, I'm prone to this also. 

Have you tried medication- specifically SSRI's? This might help things feel more manageable though it's not right for everyone. Also, cognitive behavioural therapy can be very useful? I have had CBT and I find it is helpful. It helps you recognise the types of thinking you're using that make you feel worse- for example, catastrophising and predicting the future (which is what you are doing by thinking you know the outcome of your illness). 
 

Take every day, every hour one step at a time. Distract yourself if you can, I like gardening, beauty routines, walks in nature, crafting, playing board games. I also find it helpful to be with others, I'll often feel like I'm not up to it but force myself to do it and it really helps. 
 

Let your husband support you, as you would for him. If the tables were turned, I'm sure you would do anything you could to be there for him, and that's what he wants to do for you, so let him. 

I hope that this dark period passes. It is more than possible to move out of these periods and feel better, and I believe you can. Ask the GP for proper sleep medication instead of taking a cocktail of things to sleep. 

Be kind to yourself and talk to others, not to seek reassurance but to hear comforting words that soothe you and lift you. It's ok to let people see your vulnerability and sadness. 

Wishing you a speedy recovery xxx