Feeling hopeless

Have an initial breast cancer diagnosis of a rare type and waiting for further surgery, and then likely chemo. I felt traumatised by this unexpected news but then thought I was coping.  But yesterday and today I am finding every moment a torture. I can't bear to be close to my family as I feel so sad it hurts.  If I could flick a switch and not exist I would.  I had to stop hrt because of the diagnosis about 2 months ago and I don't know if that is making it worse. I have been having wine with temazepam to help me sleep at night maybe that is what is doing  this.  I have no enjoyment in anything and I can see no end to this pain, it is unbearable. I want to die now. And yes, I have tried mindfulness, meditation! Exercise and having a warm bath.  Quite how those things could help at all I have no idea. Sometimes the meditation does a bit but it goes after a while.   I am normally an optimist but I am now broken and finding every minute a torture. I am telling my husband to leave me now being deliberately horrible to him to make it easier for him when I die.  I am pushing family away to make it easier for them. I have never felt like this.  I have never looked up ways t commit suicide before. Nothing is helping

Parents
  • I'm so sorry for how much of an impact this is having and for how this is making you feel Anchor.

    When trying to cope with a life changing illness there is no right or wrong way to feel. It can be very difficult to cope with a cancer diagnosis and everyone will deal with things in their own way, but if you feel like you are really struggling, please reach out to your GP or medical team for support.

    Suicidal thoughts and feelings can be scary but the mental health charity Mind have some very useful advice on what you can do to help yourself when this occurs. I hope these tips will help but if you need to talk to someone, the Samaritans are available on 116 123. They're available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and are there to listen. They will not judge or tell you what to do, so if you ever need to speak to someone at those times of the day or night when no-one else is around, do give them a call.

    Many of our members know how tough and overwhelming this can be so and have also tried to push their loved ones away in a bid to protect them but as many of them will tell you, this journey is much easier and more manageable with them by your side. Your husband and your family love you Anchor and will want to do everything they can to help you through this, so if you can, do try to let them in.

    Our community are here for you as well Anchor and will do all they can to help you at this very challenging time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Reply
  • I'm so sorry for how much of an impact this is having and for how this is making you feel Anchor.

    When trying to cope with a life changing illness there is no right or wrong way to feel. It can be very difficult to cope with a cancer diagnosis and everyone will deal with things in their own way, but if you feel like you are really struggling, please reach out to your GP or medical team for support.

    Suicidal thoughts and feelings can be scary but the mental health charity Mind have some very useful advice on what you can do to help yourself when this occurs. I hope these tips will help but if you need to talk to someone, the Samaritans are available on 116 123. They're available 24 hours a day, 7 days a week and are there to listen. They will not judge or tell you what to do, so if you ever need to speak to someone at those times of the day or night when no-one else is around, do give them a call.

    Many of our members know how tough and overwhelming this can be so and have also tried to push their loved ones away in a bid to protect them but as many of them will tell you, this journey is much easier and more manageable with them by your side. Your husband and your family love you Anchor and will want to do everything they can to help you through this, so if you can, do try to let them in.

    Our community are here for you as well Anchor and will do all they can to help you at this very challenging time.

    Kind regards,

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

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