I'm Sarah and I'm 51. After some back ache and tummy pain I went to A&E a few days ago. 

After an initial examination Dr decides to do blood gases which showed elevated pancreatic enzymes. Assumed I had pancreatitis.

Admitted to ward overnight, had CT scan the next morning. Partner and I were spoken to and told there was an abnormality on the end of my pancreas. It is less than 2cm and it has not spread anywhere else. They were unsure what it was but warned it may be cancer. 

CT scan seen by specialist the next day who advised it is cancer. Unable to operate due to main arteries. So have to have chemo and hope it shrinks enough to remove it.

They called it an accidental find... the cancer cells were pushing on a nerve in my spine causing back ache, this was pure luck as otherwise I would have had no pain at all and not even known I had cancer. It would have been a couple of years before symptoms and by then too late to do anything. 

Am now waiting for for endoscopy and biopsy of the area to find out what kind of cancer and what stage.

I'm utterly terrified. I'm being horrible to my boyfriend and pushing him away and not allowing him to support me. One minute I am ok and the next I'm crying. 

I've told one of my grown up children but still waiting to see and tell my other two.

Been googling and pancreatic cancer has one of the worst survival rates... its pretty dismal

How do I cope with this? I don't know how to cope day to day and be normal ?