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Why was I so nasty

Sillystupid
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My wife was diagnosed with breast cancer Dec 24th 2017 at the young age of 43

we got home and both cried and I told her not to worry about anything and we will get through this . The treatment was successful chemotherapy and radiotherapy. My wife lost her hair which was long and beautiful. 
we went out when she had draining bags and for a stupid split second I looked at another woman and my wife caught me . I know this is as selfish and disgusting and I did apologise to her 

things then went from bad to worse. We would argue and these arguments were horrible . 
my wife wasn't very well and we had argued so I slept on the sofa . I was woken by a phone call from my wife who had walked to the hospital in the pouring rain instead of waking me . 
I took the car and she wouldn't get in the . This cause a massive argument . And that's when our world came to end.  We sat and talked and I said to her that this ain't love . I don't love you . 
don't know why I said this but it broke my wife's heart and I will regret this till the end of my days 

we have tried to move on but she has told me that she can't forgive me for this 

we still together but when my wife gets sad or angry I go straight into defensive non caring mode 

I hate the person that I have become . Before cancer everything as perfect . I'm just an angry non caring person now. 
my wife is a stinger better person than I will ever be 

sorry 

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    Silly stupid

    Hi just read your post and just wanted to say Cancer is hard to deal with ,it not onky changes your wife it changes everyone around her. 

    Cancer becomes your Cancer to,it can easily eat away at you both if you let it.

    Your wife is  probably feeling down and  not feeling her best, and her confidence in the way she looks probably has been affected to.

    So of course when she caught you looking at another woman ,it hurt her much more than it normaly would  because she doesn't feel good about herself.

    On the other hand you are only human, and most men would do the same,look at an attractive female,but your feeling angry with yourself for doing so.

    I think the arguments are quite normal,although hard to deal with whilst your wife is going through what she is going through, and for you to,its not easy.

    I think you said you don't love your wife  anymore as  you are just finding it all so hard to deal with,  I am not you ,so only you can search deep within your soul and know if this is the case,I think you do still love your wife deep down.

    Cancer has stolen a lot from the both of you,don't let it do this, if you still love your wife you need to sit down and talk.

    Talk to her about how scared you are and how tough this has been for you as well as her. 

    Tell her your sorry for the way you have been acting ,and that you both need to talk  about evertything, even if it's hard to do.

    I truly hope you and your wife csn sort this out together,and take each day in getting back your love  for each other and in time  your  relationship improves ..

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    Silly stupid

    Hi just read your post and just wanted to say Cancer is hard to deal with ,it not onky changes your wife it changes everyone around her. 

    Cancer becomes your Cancer to,it can easily eat away at you both if you let it.

    Your wife is  probably feeling down and  not feeling her best, and her confidence in the way she looks probably has been affected to.

    So of course when she caught you looking at another woman ,it hurt her much more than it normaly would  because she doesn't feel good about herself.

    On the other hand you are only human, and most men would do the same,look at an attractive female,but your feeling angry with yourself for doing so.

    I think the arguments are quite normal,although hard to deal with whilst your wife is going through what she is going through, and for you to,its not easy.

    I think you said you don't love your wife  anymore as  you are just finding it all so hard to deal with,  I am not you ,so only you can search deep within your soul and know if this is the case,I think you do still love your wife deep down.

    Cancer has stolen a lot from the both of you,don't let it do this, if you still love your wife you need to sit down and talk.

    Talk to her about how scared you are and how tough this has been for you as well as her. 

    Tell her your sorry for the way you have been acting ,and that you both need to talk  about evertything, even if it's hard to do.

    I truly hope you and your wife csn sort this out together,and take each day in getting back your love  for each other and in time  your  relationship improves ..

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