Hi silver.    I think everyone has the thought that it could come back, especially getting towards the yearly checkup. Especially if they know someone who has had it happen to them.   But most of us just live one day at a time and enjoy that day whatever happens we can't change it, 

As you say with prince Philip.   RiP.   .

I always try to keep busy fairly easy with my wife having Altzimers and Parkinson's.

Take care. Love Billy X

Yes you have another person to worry about and look after. I'm trying not to dwell and keeping busy. 
thank you for replying 

Silver 

Hi Silver,

Blimey I think it's SO understandable that you think about it all coming back. It's natural. I guess most of us do??

I find those fears mostly happen to me at night when the house is quiet. It isn't every night but it can hit be like a ton of bricks. Out of nowhere I feel this pain. It nags me and I think it's definitely cancer. I think about my funeral. Who will be there and what they might say. (I assume good things as dead people tend to get a great press don't they?!) 

I think about my husband losing me. He is much older than me and I don't think he would manage too well without me. I think about me missing so much. Granddaughters weddings.  All those things until the picture is too real and I cut away from that mindset and think about enjoying my swim tomorrow. 
 

It isn't easy and I haven't got a magic solution or I would practise  it myself. But I get you. That fear is ever present. I can shake it off for days on end but it inevitably comes back to haunt me. In fact because most people I know don't ever mention cancer to me anymore (as if it's 'done' with or ought to be by now!) I find the fears harder to displace as I am rather left with it on my own these days.  That doesn't help either.  At first lots of people talked/listened to me but now only two very close friends allow me that space to rant if I want to. Or to shed a few tears. Whatever. 
 

I feel I am getting better at 'managing' the situation but at times I feel so very frail and just cannot go on pretending all is ok when sometimes it really isn't!! 
 

Your story has always especially touched me. I have admired your strength. I admire it no less (in fact more) because you can say "yes, sometimes I am fearful". Yes that's what cancer does to us. But we will win through. We must. 
 

Stay well. 
Kebbs x

Hi Silver,

I to am like you.  I had mammogram Friday just gone and my mind wonders.

My mam had BC in 2008 and passed away January 2017, 3weeks after being diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer. I was diagnosed with BC in August 2017, had mastectomy and implant in the October and started Chemo in the December. Im taking Tamoxifen.

I had a partial Hysterectomy in 2016 and now suddenly after nearly 5years without a period, when i wipe I'm bleeding. So worried and my mind is just wondering if its back in another place.

The house is so quiet and i so want to wake my man up, but he won't understand how im feeling and will go back to sleep, whilst i sit here, thinking all sorts.

x

Recurrence is actually quite a low percentage after treatment and medication, but when you've been through it like we have the smallest ache or pain is a worry. I was told to call the breast nurses if I have any worries. Maybe they will put your mind at rest about the bleeding. Keeping busy and positive thinking we know is the answer, but I've had days recently  of looking at funeral plans! I saw my surgeon a few months ago and talked about reconstruction. I didn't have it at the time as it would have delayed surgery, I think I'm going to have my other breast reduced and can wear a smaller prothesis. It's not attractive....Full reconstruction is major surgery taking skin from my back. Not sure I can face that! Being in the middle of a pandemic too hasn't helped, I'm having my second jab Wednesday so if cancer doesn't get me, at least Covid won't! 
I hope all is well with you

Best wishes

Silver 

Yes, I know what you mean, at first friends would phone or pop round, but 9 months done the line I think they forget and assume it's all over. Cancer isn't like that and only people who have been through it will understand. I'm having my second Covid jab on Wednesday, if only we could get a Cancer jab! Trying to think positive and not dwell on it and keep busy, what else can we do?

Silver