Hi Missar, 

I'm waiting on recon after nearly 2 years also put back by covid. It's had a massive effect on me emotionally especially as I was supposed to have the Diep recon at the time. Unfortunately due to previous surgery on my stomach it couldn't be completed. 
I was on Letrozole for 15 months and am on a 3 month break to see if the migraines I've been suffering with improve. I really thought my depression and anxiety would improve when I stopped taking the HT but it hasn't. 
I think when you've focussed on how things will be when you finish treatment, to help you get through it,  and because of things beyond your control it doesn't happen it's so difficult to deal with. My surgery was April 2019 and while I've failed to cope, it feels like I'm only beginning to deal with the grief and shock now. It's really hard because friends & family have moved on so I feel like I'm left with this by myself.  

I've been told the same to keep calling/contacting to make sure I don't get forgotten but I don't feel very comfortable  doing that. I am finally on the list for a Tug flap and was told it should be later this year but then covid hit again so I realise it will be longer. 
What people don't realise is that until you've had the recon it isn't finished for you. You can't really start to put things behind you, well as much as you can, and start looking forward because you've got this massive op to get through.
I find it so difficult going back to the hospital again and know when I do have that op it's going to bring everything up again. 

People just don't understand that. I get told to remember I'm ok now and no one thinks about how I look but what they forget is that I do! I get told not to keep thinking about cancer anymore but I can't escape it when I look at myself. 
I know I'm lucky to have had the treatment to cure me but I still have to come to terms with how I've been left. I had a skin sparing mastectomy which I understand the benefits of but it's really horrible to look at. I think that being strong is a coping mechanism to just get you through and at some point it's going to hit you which is probably why you're struggling now. I know once I've had the recon everyone will expect me to just forget about it all and go back to how I was. I don't think they understand that I won't look like I did, I've still got to reach some acceptance of what's happened while still worrying about reoccurrence which isn't easy. 

That's exactly it! It's not over until that final op. Iv has a skin sparing mastectomy on one side and a flap from my back on the other. They look so different and the itching is excruciating. Plus 3 times Iv managed to overdo it and pull something inside so it feel like Iv had the mastectomies all over again. It makes me feel so old!

It's great you have a date this year now. They really are amazing at what they can do. It may be earlier than you think, as they are trying to continue the ops as much as possible. I don't think the worry will ever go away so it's important to try and focus on the positive. I have a wobble every so often but this has been the worst, by far, I guess because of everything else going on at the moment.