I know exactly how you feel. It's like a delayed reaction after holding onto the idea of the op. My family have said to me you are so strong why are you like this now? It feels like the wait is never ending. The hospital actually said it was cancelled but it will eventually happen. I think even the wording upset me if they had said postponed it would have been easier to cope with. Iv been waiting for years for this as East Grinstead serves the whole of the south east, and now they are covering all the mastectomies in the south easy as the hospitals are full.

it will ease eventually and the operations will resume. It just helps to have a date. The nurse who gives me my monthly injections told me to hassle them after March. She said if you are quiet you get put down the list! I don't know how true that is but I think I will phone the consultants secretary in April.

I've been told the same to keep calling/contacting to make sure I don't get forgotten but I don't feel very comfortable  doing that. I am finally on the list for a Tug flap and was told it should be later this year but then covid hit again so I realise it will be longer. 
What people don't realise is that until you've had the recon it isn't finished for you. You can't really start to put things behind you, well as much as you can, and start looking forward because you've got this massive op to get through.
I find it so difficult going back to the hospital again and know when I do have that op it's going to bring everything up again. 

People just don't understand that. I get told to remember I'm ok now and no one thinks about how I look but what they forget is that I do! I get told not to keep thinking about cancer anymore but I can't escape it when I look at myself. 
I know I'm lucky to have had the treatment to cure me but I still have to come to terms with how I've been left. I had a skin sparing mastectomy which I understand the benefits of but it's really horrible to look at. I think that being strong is a coping mechanism to just get you through and at some point it's going to hit you which is probably why you're struggling now. I know once I've had the recon everyone will expect me to just forget about it all and go back to how I was. I don't think they understand that I won't look like I did, I've still got to reach some acceptance of what's happened while still worrying about reoccurrence which isn't easy. 

That's exactly it! It's not over until that final op. Iv has a skin sparing mastectomy on one side and a flap from my back on the other. They look so different and the itching is excruciating. Plus 3 times Iv managed to overdo it and pull something inside so it feel like Iv had the mastectomies all over again. It makes me feel so old!

It's great you have a date this year now. They really are amazing at what they can do. It may be earlier than you think, as they are trying to continue the ops as much as possible. I don't think the worry will ever go away so it's important to try and focus on the positive. I have a wobble every so often but this has been the worst, by far, I guess because of everything else going on at the moment.