I'm so sorry for your loss Bulldogz.

I can't begin to imagine how tough this journey has been but I'm glad you're able to find some solace at this difficult time. 

Do keep posting if it helps and remember, you are not alone.

Kind regards,

Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

Thankyou so very much for your kind words.xxx

Hey hope you are ok? I came across your post when looking for advice on a family member.

i can't imagine what you are going through but wanted to reach out so you know you have been heard. A friend once told me that grief is like a burning fire that never goes away but one day the pain and loss becomes a manageable flame that stays with you always - but without the intensity and pain of that roaring fire. They will never be forgotten and always be a part of you xx 

Thankyou for your kind words. I found your words very movingxxx

so sorry to hear of your loss of your soulmate, I have been through bereavement of losing both my parents in relatively short space of time, so different to your experience.  I found that my grief became quite disabling, and sought help via my GP surgery. They referred me to the mental health team, as I couldnt sleep, was unable to concentrate, and really struggling with getting on with my life, as well as being physically ill.  The triage with mental health took a while, and I was eventually offered online CBT which is a form of therapy in which you learn to address how you think, and develop new ways for dealing with hot topics that are unsettling you and which get in the way of you  being able to cope. I realise now (in the lockdown situation Im in as someone shielding) that that course actually stood me in good stead for dealing with emotionally upsetting situations much better, I will never "get over" the bereavement, but its been a useful aid to making it less crippling emotionally, and has allowed me to move on, and deal with my own problems with going through a cancer diagnosis, and manage how I present to my own friends and family in dealing with that and disfiguring surgery.

I hope you can begin to find some peace, for your sake, and for your family, wishing you well x

Hi 

I also lost my husband of 26yrs married 19yrs to unexpected lung cancer last September.  I know how you feel. We have two amazing children my daughter now age 16 and my son now age 19.  How old is your son? How you finding this lock down ? I miss him so much as we were such a happy family I don’t understand why it happened to us .  PM me if you like 

Victoria 

Thankyou. My thoughts go out to you also. Its good that we can share our thoughts and sadness together. God bless.xxx

Hi victoria, my son is 22yrs old. He and his dad were best mates. He misses him so very much. Its so hard sometimes when i want to cry but i have to stay strong for my son. I have cracked up and god love him he's just hugged me. I thank you for your words and it does help when you have someone who has gone through the same thing. I'm sending you my love.xxxx

Hi Bulldogz

yes I know what you mean I just want to cry too in front of them but feel I have to be strong but sometimes it feels the right time just to let them know you are feeling it too and that it is good to let out your emotions. My son and his dad were very close too and I feel his pain for not having him here for him and sometimes I feel I have to over compensate for his dad not being here.  Life is so unfair. During the day I just seen to get on with jobs it’s the evening I find hard and the morning when I wake up and realise what has happened.  I have got a puppy  which has been amazing she takes up a lot of my time and has so much love to give . Sending you love too x

I know, your words are like mine. I too lost my partner unexpectadly. We were told in the may, day after my birthday he had lung cancer, he passed away in june. I too wake up some mornings and still expect  him to come walking downstairs. Its just me and our son. My son has been a rock for me...lockdown has'nt been to bad. Ive closed myself off a bit. During the day i do go out but like you said its the evenings that i struggle with. It is hard trying to be the dad and mum but you just have to do it dont you. Even though sometimes i hav'nt got a clue what to say and do not like his dad. You soldier on and get through it..xxx