Life after cancer

My husband finished his cancer treatment a year ago. He had head and neck cancer. He has been able to return to work which he needed for his sanity as well as financial. Things are so different now and I’m struggling to cope. He can’t eat food so uses meal shakes and the odd puréed meal and is always exhausted. So from a social point of view, we don’t go out as most social arrangements involve eating. Our children (who are adults) have become creative with ways of celebrating such as bowling for birthdays etc but we are excluded from other events or he will refuse to attend. He won’t consider a holiday due to the complications of his food needs and insurance. 

I’m 49 and I feel like we’re old before our time. Is anyone else the partner of someone in a similar situation? How do you manage this? Will it get better?

please don’t think I’m being ungrateful and moany. I’m so happy to have him present in our lives but struggling to see a way forward. 

  • Welcome to Cancer Chat Kmon although I'm sorry for the reason you've joined us.

    There is quite a large community of members with head and neck cancers on this discussion that you may want to get in touch with as a few of them finished their treatment around the same time as your husband and will be able to offer their insight and support.

    Our members know how difficult it is for the partner of a loved one who has been on a cancer journey so hopefully some of them will reply to you here as well but do try and take some time out if you're struggling Kmon as you need to look after yourself at this time as well.

    Kind regards, 

    Steph, Cancer Chat Moderator

  • Hi Kimon,

    I’m sorry to read about your situation - which must be frustrating for you both. 

    In this country we’re pretty good with treating the physical aspects of cancer care but pretty awful about dealing with the psychological impact on both patients and their loved ones. Has your husband discussed his feelings with his GP? He may well have slipped into depression or even PTSD without realising it.

    Is your husband the sort who’d want to go to a support group? I must confess I’m not but one or both of you might benefit. If there’s a local Maggies Centre, they might be able to point you towards a local group www.maggiescentres.org/.../

    MacMillan may have local knowledge too.

    Your situation certainly isn’t unique. Many of us who feel we should be grateful for simply still being alive struggle to cope with the physical and mental health impact of cancer. 

    Best wishes

    Dave