I had breast cancer & lymph node surgery followed by chemo and radiotherapy 

I have just healed from having symmetry surgery and the chemo port a cath removed

its a relief that all that is over and everyone is so happy for me. 

Yet I feel so desperately sad to the point where I just want to die. I have a loving husband and three children, friends and family but I feel so alone and cannot bear to talk to anyone about this. 

People ask me when I’m going to celebrate, everyone wants to see me but I just want them all to go away. I just want to hide in a hole. 

I have so much to do and can’t seem to get on with anything. I used to be so smart and active and fun and I can switch on the smile when I see people but inside I am screaming 

People ask me if I want to organise a coffee morning or so a sponsored run/walk for cancer charities . People ask me to sponsor them too. I can’t bear the thought of participating in these activities and cancer has hit my finances hard so I cannot understand why people are asking me right now for sponsorship. 

I’m so fed up of the well meaning but unwelcome ‘ free advice’ from people. For example, I was buying deodorant and an acquaintance told me I’d get cancer again if I used it . Then another day someone told me I should have refused chemo and drunk green juice instead.

I have always been very friendly so I know a lot of people but right now I wish they’d all go away and *** the f*** up with the amateur Oncology advice 

I cry so much and feel so lost but can’t seem to shake it off

sorry for the long post