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So sad and fed up

mtb
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I had breast cancer & lymph node surgery followed by chemo and radiotherapy 

I have just healed from having symmetry surgery and the chemo port a cath removed

its a relief that all that is over and everyone is so happy for me. 

Yet I feel so desperately sad to the point where I just want to die. I have a loving husband and three children, friends and family but I feel so alone and cannot bear to talk to anyone about this. 

People ask me when I’m going to celebrate, everyone wants to see me but I just want them all to go away. I just want to hide in a hole. 

I have so much to do and can’t seem to get on with anything. I used to be so smart and active and fun and I can switch on the smile when I see people but inside I am screaming 

People ask me if I want to organise a coffee morning or so a sponsored run/walk for cancer charities . People ask me to sponsor them too. I can’t bear the thought of participating in these activities and cancer has hit my finances hard so I cannot understand why people are asking me right now for sponsorship. 

I’m so fed up of the well meaning but unwelcome ‘ free advice’ from people. For example, I was buying deodorant and an acquaintance told me I’d get cancer again if I used it . Then another day someone told me I should have refused chemo and drunk green juice instead.

I have always been very friendly so I know a lot of people but right now I wish they’d all go away and *** the f*** up with the amateur Oncology advice 

I cry so much and feel so lost but can’t seem to shake it off

sorry for the long post    

 

 

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    Hi Mtb

    Your post has really touched a chord with me. Dont be sorry for the long post either.

    A great many folks on here can and will relate to how you are feeling today myself included.

    A cancer diagnosis and the treatment that follows is probably one of the worst things we have to face in this life.

    It seems quite a common reaction that people think you surely must want to celebrate! Wrong! Also to ask you to sponsor is so very crass. People just do not understand the burdens of cancer.Perhaps they believe that McMillan makes all our finincial burdens go away,I dont know. Personally I havent even seen a McMillan nurse let alone been helped by one.

    It really is amazing the things some people come out with,if green juice cured cancer the green juice maker would be very rich indeed.

    I had a relative whom is a hypochondriac say to me of my neck dissection scar " och thats just a wee scratch" I could have punched him I was so angry.

    Take your own time and give youself time to recover,end of treatment isnt the end of what your body and mind has gone through. Maybe you could speak with your GP or oncologist let them know how you really feel,its difficult I know, perhaps if you wrote it down and handed the letter over so that you didnt have to say it out loud. Saying that I have kept how I feel to myself and I dont think it has done me any good at all.

    Take care and I wish you well. xx

     

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    I feel the same and it’s literally been all about putting one foot in front of the other. Been feeling very lonely even though I have some wonderful people in my life. I’m trying to do whatever I can to make myself feel better - osteopathy, therapy, massage etc 

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