I understand how you feel. Every twinge and that Word would scream at me in my head. I was never Out of the doctor's.  I felt.........well I'll die Eventually so what's the point?  First, if you had chemo and/or radiotherapy, it Drains you, it takes the body a while to recover. Tiredness, lack of will to get Out there and Live again. You're alone, your mind races, memory not so good? Perhaps a bit reclusive? Sore when you move and sore when you're Not? Does the pain prey on your mind? I think you're finding it difficult to live with the knowledge you had Cancer. It's a dreaded word, no one knows what to say to you, or you to them. Take your Time! Do things in small steps. When I learned I had it, I Forced myself to eat healthily. My 5 a day, my favourite meals, the occasional chocolate. I Lived on side salads, I went for short walks, 10 minutes at a time. That includes the walk back. And  especially if it was sunny or even just if the weather stopped chucking it down. 

Your employer will understand, I'm sure  they're not Expecting you to bounce back so quickly. Perhaps you could go part time, until you feel stronger. And you Will, I promise. It's a life changer is cancer. Definitely. Would you believe me though when I tell you I have days when I Forget I Had it? Seriously, it's true!  It used to stop me in my tracks although not so much now. Same with my husband. It's the brain's way of helping you to cope, as with any big shock to the system, like a bereavement, you I think are grieving for the life B.C. Before Cancer. Now you're on a totally different path and it's dam scary!  I know, We know. Please, phone a close friend, go for a visit or out for a coffee. Or ask if they'd visit You. Distract yourself from any negative thoughts. Do you read? Watch TV? Meditate? Have you heard of Mindful Meditation? My doctor recommended me to a course and I found it extremely helpful. 

I'm sorry I've blathered on so much, I tend to do that lol. I'm going to try and get some sleep my dear, I Do hope that even a little of what I've yammered on about had helped you a little. I will chat soon OK? Take care my love. Bye bye for now.