Hi Brewster

You have certainly earned your holiday after all you have been through, I dont think being positive or negative has any outcome in whether your cancer will recur but it does have an effect on other aspects of your life. Everyone who has experienced cancer will always have that nagging doubt at the back of their mind, so your feelings are quite normal and rational. If your oncologist says you have a good chance of a cure then you probably have, they are usually brutally frank and if you had a poor prognosis they would let you know. Your birth certificate comes with no guarantee, this is a lifelong no warranty implied type of thing. but seriously no one knows when cancer is involved. So get on with your life and enjoy it, if you are in the fortunate position of being able to retire do so. Your post is not an irrational rant but perfectly normal from the viewpoint of all of us here who have been in your shoes. Your coming holiday will do you more good than you could ever imagine. Best wishes Kim

Hi  Brewster  just back from seeing my oncologist  and even tho  I have had chemo and cancer removed, My oncologist has given me no garantee that it will  not  return  and  honestly  I  feel  a bit  dissapointed  and like you  am thinking  I  will be  one  of  the  unlucky  ones, I  feel  like  I  am  being  realy  sselfish  for  thinking  this  way  as  many  people  are  suffering  with  ongoing  treatments  and  knowing they  cannot  be  cured,  I  still  have  to  have  6  monthly  check  ups  and  they  will  be  checking  my  liver  to  make  sure  the  bowel  cancer  hasnt  spread  there (fingers x this  wont  happen) I  am  sure  we  will  feel  differently  in  a  few  days  and  am  glad  you  posted  on  here  as  I  thought  it  was  only  me  that  was  feeling  this  way,  unfortunately   there  sre  no  guarantees   and  we  just  have  to  get  on  with  life, I  have  a  new  grandson  arriving  december  and  because  my  grandaughter  was  stillborn  2  years  ago  I  intend  on  putting  all  my  focus  onto  this  new  life.  Have  a  great  holiday  and  take  care. Best Wishes  Susan

Thanks Kim , for your reply and advice ,your right no one knows when time is up there are no guarantees ,just when its cancer you want one ,so you can get on with things .Considering the awful road you have already journeyed upon .However ,for the sake of all of those around me and who care or me ,I am going to try and maintain some positivity and keep moving forward in as positive a light I can muster ,and I will try and hope if it does come back by then the treatments will be easier and more successful but not chemo .Holiday here I come to try and keep life bouyant and leave some of the chemo land misery behind me.Create new memories.Work I am still contemplating. Thanks Diane

Hi Susan ,thanks for replying and that word selfish plays upon my mind too ,as I am still here,no mater what ,so many people are a lot sicker than me I always feel that I am moaning about nothing .Perhaps allowing yourself some honest thoughts in the end helps you to move forwards and deal with the situation better .I am not a therapist but I have always felt if your feeling sad let it out just for a day or two ,try not to wallow in it as it may gobble you up.

To day I took some positive action and visited my macmillan centre to see if I could get some help advice regarding returning to work or not  and to find out about exercise programmes and book a massage ,in order to help me get back into the flow of life .They were very helpful and now I have a action plan and will be getting some help regarding retirement options .Just having a chat with a stranger has helped me .Friends are great but I got diagnosed over 6months ago now and my news is old news and if I am not ready to move on they definately are ,so I dont discuss too much of these issues with them now ,well only with one or two and if they ask .So you are not alone be reassured ,but a new baby on the horizon will help you move forward ,they are such a joy when you are not the parent ,I adore my grandaughter she has kept me smiling all the way through yukky chemo .Best wishes Diane

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Thanks for your positive message and maybe in a week or two I will feel this way too .Apart from walking I too enjoy the occassional bike ride ,my bike is tucked under the stairs and I have a plan to ride it up a bike trail once I am a bit stronger even if pushing it up a hill post a lung lobectomy is my only option.Once I have made a decision regarding work I do intend to shoot around the uk visiting relatives and holiday away somewhere hot.

I am glad you are in remission and enjoying life ,that is an acheivement in itself .I hope my 3month check goes that way too.

Best wishes Diane

Hi Diane,

I think we all fear it will return, but worrying won't do anything. Please try not to.

I have decided to forget about it as much as possible, if it comes back, then it comes back.

Even in everyday normal life many things could happen to us, getting run over by a bus, a bomb, a freak accident. Yet we don't really worry about these as much.

What ever my fate I will accept it, easier said than done but I hope if the worst ever happens I will stay strong. For now I want to enjoy my life as much as possible and live a normal life. I think that is the best appoach to take.

The best of luck to you.

Hi Diane

I took early retirement April 2014 (before my cancer) I had been working part time three days a week for a few years before that.  Getting made redundant in 2013 sort of made my decision for me but then I did one day a week sometimes two for 6 months.  So maybe if you could reduce your hours to two or three days a week that could be something to look into.  I can however recommend early retirement. 

The other thing is take everything slowly pace yourself. The first time I rode my bike it was just along our street, the next day a bit further. then along the canal a short distance until I managed further.  Some days I could not not go as far as last time (including walking) but I could always go further than my first attempt - and that happened before cancer its normal.  Still cant do the big hills that I used to do but that will come. 

My cancer was endemetrial which had spread to a lymph node in my groin complicated story (I have put it on my profile) so not the same issues as you.

I have this mantra that I say to myself - If I sit and worry and the worst does not happen then I have wasted all that time for nothing, if the worst does happen then I have wasted my time worring because the worrying did not help and I could and should be doing something else.

I know its hard and everyone has a down day.  My Mum suffers with depression and I see how much of her life has been wasted in worrying so thats probably why I try not to - except for the one worry  "does my bum look big in this".

Stay well River

Hi there. Since my diagnosis I've been flabberghasted at how my brain plays tricks on me. I'm 3 1/2 years on and I still panic at every ache and pain. Before my check ups my boobs hurt, my shoulders ache and I feel generally unwell.....then I go for the check up and afterwards all those "symptoms" have gone.

What you're feeling is normal ! Of course you're worried, we all are, but it's how we deal with it that counts. Please try to relax, accept what you've been told,  she's given you good news,  ! RETIRE if you can. The feelings you're having at the moment will get better in time, I promise. Slowly but surely.Enjoy your holiday and celebrate the news that in her opinion ( an expert) you have a good prognosis. Fantastic! Have faith, be positive, keep talking about it, it really helps !

Love Marian x 

Hi Marian, first time on here -not sure what to say - I am 4 years on, had the chemo, mastectomy and radio therapy, reconstruction, etc and am taking letrozol - 1 year to go

Feel *** a lot of the time, anxiety attacks are awful, finally saw a sensible Doc who is testing me for everything to put my mind at rest that there is nothing wrong with me - I dont know what to do, stateof mind is up one minute down the next, why after all this time am I like this, wish I could wave a magic wand and send it all away

I know the cancer wont return