The surgeon stood at the bottom of my bed and announced to myself, his junior college and the whole ward "there appears to be traces of lymphoma. ..." by this stage I was on oxygen and suckling in oxygen for all I was worth. Did this register? Yes it did! Did I cry? Yes I did when I went for a shower. Did I ask "why me?" Yes I did. I'm only human after all. Has this experience changed me? It sure has. I wish I could say that I had become more tolerant, more forgiving.  But unfortunately I can't. I've become more determined to be heard. More determined to get what I want; when I want it. Much more of a push - Iver where my daughter is concerned. I value life. I always have. Do I have a bucket list? Nah. I just want to help my husband build and establish our family business. I want to help our daughter grow up, I want yo see her mature and find a direction in life. I'm not materialistic,  well not any more than the next man. I believe in God. I believe in being kind, sharing, caring, giving. (There are lots of I's in this) I've become very insular. Cancer is quite a solitary experience, yet has such a far reaching impact. Intolerant. Beligerant. Fearful. Thankful. . Greatfull. I hope that this answers you question. Michelle