Oh Les Jane,
What can I say.  I feel for you.  This cruel disease.
Remember your hubby in the good times, I am sure you have some wonderful memories.  It is all so raw for you and that is to be expected.
Welcome to this forum of amazing people.
I am talking from the heart, lost my darling Oct 2014 so can appreciate where you are at.  It's a difficult path we must walk alone, but we have to plod on.
I look at it in the way our loved one is no longer suffering and they would want us to live life as best we can, enjoying it as much as we can in their memory.  So hard as it is we have to appreciate what we do have and get on with it.
I am very fortunate in having supportive family and friends which even now almost 7 months later continue to be there for me.
Please come on this site to rant, rave, whatever, you will find someone willing/able to listen.  Letting it all out helps.  You are not alone in your grief.  We can virtually hold your hand.
Sending you a big hug
Kathy x
 

Hi Katy s. Thank you for your reply I'm new to this site and just wanted someone to understand how I feel I don't have much friends but have got a loving supportive family but I times I really don't want them around, if it makes sense they annoy me. Maybe it's part of grief I'm not sure, your reply has made me feel so less alone and can only thank you from my heart for this. I'm sorry for your loss and glad you are making some headway,  it's just the saddest feeling I've lost my best friend. Hugs to you Katy xx

Hi Les jane, I understand your feelings about not wanting to be with family, part of it is because they have no idea what you are going through, how you are feeling, and of course you have not got the words to describe it.  My husband died in October 2011,he was 47 years of age, so I am furture down the road from you, there is never a time when I am not thinking of him and missing him, but slowly I have started to put a life together again. I joined an on line group called Way Up, and through this I have meet and formed frienships with people who all "get it" because they are all either going through it or have been through it, we all help each other, we meet on a regular basis and we know we can always pick up the phone and talk to each other. At the moment you are still in shock over losing your man, and it may be a while before you come out of that, it took me over 6 months, so please do not be hard on yourself, take baby steps, grief takes as long as it takes, there are no right or wrong way of greiving, just your way.

Take Care GG

Hi GG thanks for your reply. Im so sorry to have lost your husband at a young age, it's all so wrong I can't look too far ahead your right unless you have had to deal with the loss of your husband you can't feel the pain that is inside. It just over powers me at times. I'm 48 yrs and I would love to be able to meet up and chat to others who get it so I will look into that thanks. I know it's very early days and grief affects people differently and there is no rule book. I am finding my bedroom a hard area could job for sleeping pills. Thank you so much for taking time to write to me I'm bery touched take care LJ xx

Hi Les Jane

Have just caught up with your post/thread and I lost my husband (aged 63) in January.  I too am fortunate to have supportive adult children and a couple of grandchildren but do relate to your need to spend time  by yourself.  Sometimes its just easier to deal with reflection/remembrance and grieving when alone (as well as supporting our supporting our kids who have lost their Dad too).  Like  you I want them to be able to enjoy the future and I work on a day to day basis to cope as best I can. Your memories of the time before cancer struck your husband are the special ones held in your heart and in time hope these will help.

Everyone manages grief differently, when my Dad passed away my Mum (in her early 80's and fragile mentally as well as physically) opted to re-visit their favourite holiday haunts alone before she was left unable to care for herself (she is now in a care home) and I rarely saw her cry.  It transpires that my Dad had told her that life was for the living and she should make the best of her life so whilst she could, she did.  For myself, I took a month off work and realised I missed that normality in my life and so returned (am only part time).  Some days its easier than others but with small steps am managing to move slowly forward.  This forum has been a great source of support and being able to talk to others who truly understand has at times, I am sure, kept me sane.

Allow yourself as much time as you need but take support when you want/need it. Your children will worry about you as much as you worry about them but this will settle down as you all begin to move forward.  My thoughts are with you and chat on the forum as and when you feel able.  Regards  Jules

Hi dear. it's easy to feel your pain, the sence off loss. What comes to my mind is that not everyone had that much to loose.

I can see you had a great husband and a life that was worth it.

To me what helped get my mind out of that sad thinking loop was doing VERY SIMPLE things. Like:

Take walks early in the morning and let the life feel me again. Breath deeply. Feel the warm sun. Let the happy memories

Visit me more often, until they never live. 

Wishing you a better day.