Good morning Jules,

Looks like you had a good time at the weekend. Thanks for sharing your lovely photos with us. I hope your mum is still pain free when you visit her today. I do feel for you for its so hard seeing someone you love in her situation as I know when my own mother was fading away.

I have had both good news and some not so good news to report.

Good news first. My son saw his consultnt yesterday and has been told he can return to work on Monday. As he tires easily at the moment he was advised to just do mornings until he picks up more stamina. His firm has now provided him with an automatic, No not a gun; I mean a car just in case you jump to the wrong conclusion ha ha. He is looking forward to this.

Now for the other news, Our main oven was working okay on Sunday morning but packed up in the afternoon. I spent most of yesterday morning phoning around to get a quote. I found a lot of firms wont have anything to do with Bush appliances for some reason. I got one fixed price quote which was £259. She was quite shocked when I told her I could buy a new cooker for that. In the end I had to pay £109 to anther company but they will repair the oven and also replace the heat seal gasket which I know costs around £35 so not too bad I suppose.

Our wood club meeting was last Wednesday and as the yearly subscriptions were due, I was kept very busy. But the system of me printing our own membership cards out prior to the meeting ment I never had many people waiting. The meeting was a revue of our December meeting and people brought in items they had exhibited at the show and gave a small talk about each piece. One of our chaps who is quite a character talked for ages about the soldier on horesback he had carved and let slip several time it was his birthday shortly. So for a laugh, I added a happy birthday messge to a photo I had of his carving and sent it via e-mail to him. I have had a cheeky reply back saying it was the earliest birthday card he had ever had and that he though he was the one who always took the micky but he thinks I might have beaten him this time.

Take care my forum friend. Sending kind thoughts to you and your family, Brian.

Great news for your son, and how good that his company has provided an automatic  for him, they must really appreciate him, which is nice to know. 

Sorry about the cooker, hope it's sorted soon - meanwhile no cheese straws eh?  Never mind, bring on the nuts! 

Hope you and Mrs B are doing okay otherwise, take care both.

Hazel xx

Hi Brian

So very pleased to read the good news regarding your son's phased return to work. Taking it slowly so as not to overdo it and get back into the swing of things will be very sensible.  Having the automatic car will be of great asistance too I am sure (far better than a gun....................only you could suggest I might leap to conclusions ha ha).

I spent an hour with Mum today and you are right when you say it is not easy watching and waiting.  Thankfully she is apparently pain free and though choosing to stay in bed and not converse any more she is still taking meals and able to feed herself.  Several of the staff stopped by for a chat and are very understanding to both her needs and my emotions.  It is rather sad  that because we have never been close I am now taken by surprise at how I feel when I go to visit. Her mental bi-polar illness has been such a large part of our lives that I have always accepted her lack of feelings but now she is physically declining and her only words have been to request death I feel deeply sad for her.  Yet another part of my life that I have no control over other than to let her know I am there if she wants me at any time though she is still maintaining that unless I 'can help her on her way' I am of little use.  The mind plays such cruel tricks and none of this is easy.

Thankfully on the brighter side (which I am holding on to) I have been able to get into the garden this afternoon and finally mowed the lawn and trimmed the edges.  What a difference it makes to how it looks already but I see a good few weeds will need to be dealt with in due course.  Now I have come indoors for a reviving cuppa and am watching the birds 'carry off' the grass cuttings/twigs so nest building is on their minds.

I am glad that your woodclub is back under way and sounds like a very successful meeting and it is lovely that you can have some fun with playing little jokes along the way.

Back into work tomorrow and Thursday and then on Friday I am going over to see my grand daughter and daughter in law for the afternoon followed by dinner with my son gets home from work.  Sometimes there are just not enough hours in the day to do all that we want and then some days I just do not feel like doing things anyway.  That's just day to day life summed up I guess.

Hope you and Mrs B are keeping well and beginning to see the new life ofSpring in your garden too.  Take care and, as always, thanks for your comforting words.  Jules

Hi Jules,

Thanls Jules and Hazel.

Have been very busy lately. Had a long telephone call from Macillan as they are doing a bit about the need for early disgnosis for prostate cancer which I was pleased to help them with. Following on from that they asked if I would also be prepared to do a telephone radio interview.  This is taking place today. Allthough I am not keen on publicity regarding myself, This is offset by the disire to show how important it is to see the doctor as soon as anything unusual presents itself. We men are great at sticking our heads in the sand and trying to deny we have anything wrong with us. I am convinced Mrs B saved my life by making me go to see my GP when she did. I feel so lucky my cancer was caught early for had I not gone when I did, this story might well have had a differnt ending.

I have like you mowed our lawns but for the second time. Our new forsythia bush is now in flower and our cherry tree out the front has the leaves and flower buds just opening up so you are right; spring is here.

Hope your visit to your mother went okay yesterday. I do understand what you say about the feelings you have regarding your mother and also what you say about having no control over them. Emotions are such a big thing for something that cant be seen but only felt. They can hit us when we least expect them. I bet you are feeling a huge range of them at times. Before I got married I used to be pretty good at hiding them bit not so since I have got married. Mrs B reads me like a book and knows me better than I do myself at times ha ha.

Take care my forum friend and any time you want to vent we are here for you. Sending kind thoughts and best wishes to you and your family, Brian.

Hi Jules, I'm so sorry to hear about your mum getting worse. I'm sure all you want is for her to be pain free and hopefully it stays that way. The best thing for her now is her to be gone (Peacefully) I know I would rather it be that way. I'm so sorry that all this is opening up old wounds but we must look forward and not back things can't be changed now. Hugs -Diane xx 

Hi Brian,

It is lovely that you can help the charity out by being open about your own experiences. Hope the telephone radio interview went well and it get the message out there about how important it is to see a doctor early. I am sure that  some men and women do have tendency to hope things will just go away and need a little 'nagging' to do something about symptoms/check ups.  Hubby definitely would not listen to me (perhaps I just talk too much!!!) and in the end it was his employer who sent him for a private medical (along with the rest of his workforce so as not to single hubby out) as he was worried about his breathing and how it was affecting him at work.

I am loving seeing all the spring flowers and blossom breaking out but not looking forward to all the weeding quite so much ha ha.

Mum has chosen to stay in bed for the most part (does not like the hoist to move her from bed to chair) and there was no conversation on her part on my last visit.  Had a chat with the carers and she is being monitored quite closely as regards pain meds and is under the local palliative care team .   They are very good at supporting me also as I have had a few tears after the last couple of visits.  I feel so sad for her having to go through all this and knowing that she does not want the support of the small family she has hurts but her wishes have to be paramount. She does not appreciate ' the weakness of tears' so I do not think she will ever know how I truly feel.

On a happier note, I spent the afternoon and evening with my son and family yesterday and it lovely watching Darcey reaching new goals.  She is loving being able to stand up round the furniture andnis enjoying nursery twice a week too.  Quite a little character already but full of smiles which are so rewarding.  Hubby would have loved this little girl so much, just as he did our two grandsons.  Hope he is keeping watch over them all as they grow.#

Tomorrow I will catch up with daughter and family as they pop in for lunch and then I am out for the day with a friend on Monday so plenty to keep mind and body occupied.

Hope you and Mrs B are enjoying a peaceful weekend and keeping well yourselves.  Jules

Thanks so much for  your comforting words Diane. Far harder for my Mum than for me I am of no doubt, The palliative care team/GP and caring staff all beng a wonderful support and as you say keeping her comfortable is as much as we can all hope for, for her.

Hope you and the family and doing ok and you are looking forward to warmer days.  Take care.  Jules

Hi Jules,

Glad you enjoyed your outing yesterday. Its along time since I've been to London. The last time was when I gave a 20 min talk to Cancer Research backroon staff. Something I would never have done before cancer.

I hope your visit to your mum goes okay and that she is still pain free. Must be so hard sitting there when she doesnt want to talk. Little Darcy seems to be growing up so fast. I love it when you get a smile from a young child as it really does give one a huge boost.

The repairs to our cooker are still waiting. They now have the parts but cant fit them intil a week this Wednesday. Wont use that company again.

My son has returned to work and found it hard yesterday but was glad to be back. I have mowed our lawns for the third time today. So much moss in amongst the grass but like you said, The birds are allready sorting out what they want.

It looks nice outside but the wind is quite chilly.

Take care Jules. Sending kind thoughts to you and your family, Brian.

Hiu Brian

Hope you and Mrs B are well and that the cooker has been repaired by now.  Is the local chippy keeping you going?

Sorry have not been responding quite so quickly as usual but have been in and out a lot this week and so not sitting with my laptop for company a great deal.

My daughter came with me to visit Mum on Tuesday so I had someone to chat with.  I am thankful that Mum still appears pain free (paracetamol is all that is required at present) and although she is still eating her three meals a day, itis incredibly hard for her to stay awake for long.  She rarely speaks at all now but has made her wishes known to the staff (we were never in any doubt as to her feelings in this respect) and I would just like her to find some peace within herself. Am popping down to see her tomorrow morning for MothersDay  which I know many here on the forum will find a difficult time emotionally.  Sending virtual hugs to all.

I have my son and family coming for lunch tomorrow so have been preparing desserts/vegetables today as time will be limited tomorrow. I have enjoyed some of the lovely weather today by walking to do the food shop and then mowed the lawn again.  Weeds will need to be started on (they are growing apace now) and with the sun promised for the beginning of the week hope to make the most of it by getting outside.  My daughter helped me clear a 'messy corner' by taking me to the dump on Friday so that's a start. 

At the moment the move is in complete limbo and we just have to hope that the legal team can  sort things out sooner rather than later as they will be devastated if they lose the house.  The seller has already moved to her new property so is anxious to finalise everything.  Fingers crossed for good news soon.  My grandson had even visited his proposed new school last Monday as there had been no inkling of a hitch until the last minute (solicitors really should have picked up on the missing clause so hopefully they weill have some answers soon).  Emotionally we are all very drained but supporting each other the  best we can, as always.  I spent Friday morning with my daughter and little Zack who, of course, has no idea what is going on other than his Mummy and Daddy are upset and they are surrounded by packed up toys/belongings in their little flat.  Really need that good news.  Thankfully their current landlord has so far been understanding and agreed that they could stay on for now.

Well must remember to move the clocks forward tonight.  Hope your son is managing work okay though suspect he is pretty tired after such a long journey in his recovery.  Regards to you and the family, take care.  Jules