Hi Hazel it can be very distressing and very frightening. I do feel now maybe it would be good if he did go and see how it goes. We are just back from the docctors and she said it would be best for him to go in into a hospice as she can see he needs more help now. And like you and my kids said I need to relax and not be running around all the time. I do feel stressed a lot and maybe thats the cause behind my high blood pressure I recently found out I had. Your right sometimes your head has to over rule your heart. 

I'm not the kind of person  that shows my emotions very much and when they get built up I some how can push it all under the rocks and get on with it. And it really isn't healthy is it because you need to release all your problems and worrys so you have enough energy to go on. Take care and thanks Hazel vitual hug !, Linda x

Hi Hazel,

Luckily my back was fine. Think I may have shed some weight though and hope I can keep it off.Today I mowed the front lawn. Just to the side of our house, there is a big Hazel nut bush so I filled my pockects up with nuts; after all I am a reincarnated squirrel. They could do with about another week but are very tasty so I am having an extra portion of nuts just like you predicted but unfortunately as yet despite dropping several hints to Mrs B, as yet no cheese straws.

Hope your enjoying the fine weather, take care, Brian.

Hi Linda

I really feel for  you just now.  It is so hard to watch our other half going through the problems that the cancer causes and I found it very frustrating not being able to help the love of my life. As Brian has written earlier the hospice is so different from being in a general hospital.  Although my hubby chose to stay at home, having experienced the hospice care that my Dad had,  I would have felt happier had he agreed to accept the help the local hospice offered throughout his illness.

When my Dad went into the hospice it gave my Mum a break (they were both in their 80's) and meant she could sleep at night and spent all day with him (he used to send her home!!)  That being said my hubby was kept pain free by his medication being adequately monitored and only required the syringe driver in the last 48hrs as he struggled to take it orally (was on small dose of a drug to help with control of breathing noise which he found distressing).  The only sickness he suffered was the year before when he had a short spell of palliative chemo.  Everyone's experience is so different but we are all here to listen when you want to chat.  Be kind to yourself too when you get a moment.  Jules x

Brian and Hazel

You are making me feel very lazy with all that gardening work you are putting in.  I spent the afternoon in the garden but with Zack to keep an eye on I was playing ball and digging in the sandpit ha ha. Now have a rather sandy lawn but a happy little fella went home after both he and his brother had their tea here.  Eldest grandson requires a tooth out but they are going to do it for him at the hospital so awaiting another appointment. At least he got through a full check up today and they have found that his milk teeth have a rather thin enamel layer which may have caused the weakness in his tooth. The dentist explained it would be less traumatic for him to have it done whilst sedated as he was incredibly nervous bless him.

Hope you are both now sitting down relaxing after your busy day. Jules

Hi Linda

Am thinking of  you  both as you struggle with the decision making. My situation was, as I have mentioned, the reverse in that I would have preferred hubby to have the expertise of the hospice (I thought it would be a more tranquil experience for him and leave me able to be by his side knowing he had professional care). I had, in the end, to allow hubby to choose how he wished to deal with his own illness and the time that remained was precious so I tried to avoid any emotional upset for him (many of my tears were shed when I was alone). If Mark has hospice care you can still be with him at any time you want but also take a mental/physical breather and maybe you too can enjoy some of your amazing Mum's cooking.  Hopefully with that care Mark can be made more comfortable and I am sure he is worrying about you as much as you are about it - it is how partnerships work isn't it?  I learnt from my hubby's GP just how much he was concerned for me rather than himself and it made me look at things from a different perspective (never easy to admit 'he knew best'!!!) but he was happy with his decision and that gave me some comfort.

Well I had better stop rambling (my forum buddies can tell you I am a chatterbox!!) and thankfully with dry weather I am heading to do the food shop and then the gym. Hopefully a little more time in the garden this afternoon.  Be kind to yourself and hope Mark feels a bit better now.  Jules x

Hi Hazel

Cannot believe I have been back almost a week and am beginning to wonder where all the time goes!

Managed to  keep Zack amused yesterday whilst his brother went to see the dentist. We had fun making sandcastles in the garden and playing garden quoits as well as the usual kick about. It was so nice outside that both boys had their tea in the garden before they went home and I settled down to watch the Olympics.

This morning I have done the weekly shop and been to the gym before popping back to the local shops to pick up a new large pot so that I can plant up the lavender I bought last Monday!  Son is getting the compost/grit for me and will bring it over when they pop in tomorrow.  Need to do a bit of baking later as have friends coming for lunch on Monday and have not seen them for a couple of months so plenty of news to catch up on.

Hope with your appointments out of the way you are enjoying some R&R whilst the good weather prevails.  Take care,  Jules x

Hi Brian

Sounds as though you got a month's worth of exercise in digging out that flower bed and best your joints ached when you got up today!  Hopefully you are getting more relaxation today and perhaps some turning done too as it is not too hot (cloudy here but have the door wide open as it is still pleasantly warm).

Hope your son and family have a lovely holiday and you get into the routine of looking out for the cat.  My daughter's cat had to go into the cattery as we were all away together.  She was absolutely fine when they picked her up  but is sticking to them like glue as they move around the flat! 

Had a good couple of hours with young Zack and they had tea in the garden before going home. Tomorrow my son and fiancee with baby Darcey are popping in for lunch and if there is time I will pop to the gym before they come over and hope to get out for a walk once they move on to his future in laws in  the afternoon.

My lawn does not need mowing just yet as I cut it very short prior to our hols so hopefully will last until next weekend when I have no plans  other than a social evening at home on Friday. As you found it the ground is exceptionally hard (mine is clay too) so apart from dead-heading I just plan to sit in it when weather and time allows.

Hope you and Mrs B have a peaceful weekend.Take care. Jules x

Afternoon, Jules, sounds as though a good time was had by all yesterday - long time since I made sandcastles!  

I did my shopping earlier too and have been sitting in the garden under the parasol, quite sunny again after a bit of a cloudy morning.  Whilst sitting there I was thinking about getting some of that screening that you said your son has to hide the garden next door.  Also it might stop their two little dogs barking at me every time they see me out there, or my other neighbour's old cat who sleeps in my garden.   Now, as you know, I love dogs, but these two are the noisiest, yappiest little devils I have ever come across, they bark and yap at anything or nothing all the time, drive me (and other neighbours) crackers sometimes.  I have tried to make friends but they are so busy yapping they take no notice. What annoys me most is that the owners leave them to do it - if that were my dog I'd be telling him/her to be quiet pdq!  Why are people so inconsiderate? They also poo and pee right next to the fence and scratch all the dirt into my garden (the dogs, that is, not the people, haha).  Anyway, rant over.

Hope you have a pleasant evening and enjoy your lavender planting tomorrow. Oh, by the way, I have a hedgehog too, and, don't tell anyone, a gnome as well, though he's very old and a bit the worse for wear now so lives under the ferns in summer. 

Take care, hugs, Hazel xx

Hello Linda, just to let you know I'm thinking of you both.

Sending hugs, Hazel xx