Oh Jules forgive my post on my site to you .....I am so sorry not to have known of your hubbies departure.  You know from the support you have given me how well I understand your current situation and my heart goes out to you.  My site tells of my joirney through this uncharted place you find yourself in.  It is difficult but you will come through.

All my thoughts and a big virtual hug

Ian x

Hi Ian

Just lovely to see your name appear on my thread and suspect its just as hard for you to post but I really appreciate the message.  It was a long three years for hubby and I take much comfort in the fact that he is now free from the clutches of his disease which took his happiness away.  I am surrounded by the love of my family and friends (and the ongoing support of virtuality buddies) and now, like you, my life must be lived to the best of my ability. Early days still but so many memories to cherish and share with others - a few late nights of 'story-telling' along the way.

Sending hugs and best wishes and hope all is well with you and Julie in your new life.  Jules x

Hi Kathy

Sorry whisky not for me (was hubby's fave and have been giving bottles away as he received more than a dozen bottles for his 60th and was unable to get through them!!). I did have a tot of Captain Morgans but it just kept me awake!!!!  (though think my body has adjusted to just requring 4/5hrs a night!!). Cold on the way out now thankfully.

Am awaiting arrival of family as we are having  Easter lunch today as we all have other arrangements for tomorrow.I will go and visit Mum just before the Home has Easter Service but was told in no uncertain terms not to bring any type of Easter gift.  I do not usually disobey my Mum but have bought her a pot of miniature daffodils and if she refuses them (it has happened in the past) then the Home will find a place for them where they can be appreciated by everyone.

As the weather is warming up here (double figures today ha ha) I have been able to turn heating to low and reduced a layer of clothing. Fleeting glimpses of the sun is making the yellow forsythia bushes in my garden look very pretty  and with the quince in blossom too am enjoying my garden view.  Have already been out for a quick walk as will be indoors for most of the day now.  Am babysitting tonight but daughter will run me home when they get back.

I am sure you will come to a decision re returning home to visit and will go with your heart in the end. I suppose I am lucky that have no pet to consider and just 'turn off the water' and go.  Had pets when the children were young but we did not want the ties once they flew the nest as hubby was very much a spontaneous traveller when he was not working away. (I am more of a planner so I know I have something to look forward to!!)  After the couple of short breaks with family this month I hope to book annual leave around beginning of July (probably during Wimbledon Tennis fortnight ) and see if I can have a few days out and about. Being only part time worker means I get a long weekend anyway so may try and book something up but will wait and see how I feel.

Hope you have a lovely weekend and your cooler temperatures not leaving you feeling too grumpy (know I was dislike not being able to enjoy the outside as much when the cold sets in!!).  Look after yourself.Hugs from across the water Jules x

Hi Brian

I can imagine a house full of laughter as you all enjoyed the Movie; how wonderful it is when we can enjoy the company of our family (about an hour before I am descended upon and 'bedlam' begins). I have set the Easter table (edges carefully kept clear due to 'toddler alert') and just have to add food from fridge and toast the 'buns' after their arrival so think I am 'on time'. Two grandchildren plus excited Westie is a great mix and will be good to relax together. 

Realy looking forward to our Dorset break from Monday and looks as though dry weather is forecast which will be lovely as we have two pre-planned days out (Monkey World and themed Farm Park) - hopefully the fresh air and fun will help us all.

A few sunny intervals already here this morning and enjoyed an early walk so have done my healthy bit for the day!!  Sorry to read that your biccies are running low but am sure if you carry on being your usual helpful self you will be rewarded by Mrs B or maybe allowed a visit to your nut shop. Take care of yourselves and sending Easter peace and good wishes. Jules x

Morning Jules,
Hope you had a beaut time with family at Easter lunch and cheese enjoyed by all.
Our clocks changed last night so will need to do outside activities an hour earlier if that makes sense.  It will be dark by 6 pm.
Awoken this am by call from Kidlets so full of excitement at their Easter egg hunt.  DIL told me their chooks followed them around on their adventure.  How cute.
Sitting out the back with coffee and pets enjoying the fresh air.  Have just been bopping around the kitchen washing dishes.  I am quite bonkers.
Have just googled Dorset, my goodness it's way down the bottom of the country.  I really must get a UK map on the wall so I can see where everyone is talking about.
You will have a ball on your days away I am sure.
It's been a quiet couple of days here with lots of friends away.  I wouldn't say I have been lonely exactly.  Some time on your own is required for quiet reflection I think.  I have plenty of chores to do for sure so will make a start after getting the boy out for a wander.  I will nip down and return overdue library books before I get a reminder letter and charges.  I have only read 2 in 2 months.  I used to go through 10 in a week.
Saw the blood moon last night, just happened to come out side about 10pm with dog. Had just got off call from son so told him to go out and observe it too.  Was quite an amazing sight.
Ok honey will sign off and get moving
Big Hugs returned
Love Kathy xx
 

Hi Kathy

I know what you mean about the 'slow reading'.  Brian knows how I love books and like y ou used to get through quite a few.  The one on the go at the moment has been around for some weeks and though  its a good story just do not seem to have the concentration levels required.  With better weather looming and loving to sit outside I am hoping to get my book head back in gear.  Will take book away tomorrow and who knows change of scene may be what is needed.

The journey to Dorset is around three hours for us and as we cannot 'book in' until mid afternoon we are going to lunch out before we go.  Grandson is hyper with excitement (not least because he has someone who likes to be up early in the morning!!) and with the weather forecast showing 'dry' for the week its everything crossed it can be believed haha.

Had lovely few hours together yesterday (my son left the Westie sleeping indoors as she is used to her own company as they both work (walkies before they left and when they got home as they live very close to a a beautiful park in Buckinghamshire).  All us 'cheese-aholics' were well catered for and buffet so much easier than full on cooking (lazy, I am!!!).

Right the sun is shining and washing machine has just finished so will go and hang it in the garden. Must think about what to pack in the morning (this will be a strange  moment as hubby always did the packing - he could get so much into a small case!!! - hey ho another first to face).

I do  like my quiet moments of reflection (always have!) though its those moments when you you least expect it that you feel alone(even when with others sometimes). (its different to feeling lonely somehow).

Hubby's sister has just e mailed to say she is hoping to visit in mid May (moved to Isle of Man last December with her other brother and sister in law) for a week. She is staying with a friend and I have invited her over for 'family lunch' - may have to change the buffet layout a bit to avoid being repetitive ha ha.

Be kind to yourself forum friend. Jules x

Hi Jules,

Just a quickie wishing you happy hols with the family.  I am sure you will have an absolute ball.  Hope cheese shop is nearby.  Don't forget your toothbrush!!!

Hugs

Kathy xx

Hi Kathy,

Thank for the reply on my quotes thread. Your mention of cheese scones had me drooling again. I have to say your mention of losing your dogs lead made me smile so I will tell you something that made Mrs B laugh. The other day I was looking for my glasses and couldnt find then anywhere. Mrs B kept smiling but didnt say anything or offer any help. After spending quite some time I said to Mrs B, I bet their some where close by and she couldnt contain her self any longer. She said, you idiot, they've been sitting on top of you head all this time. She then told me I was a right plonker. I felt such a fool and couldnt believe she had managed to keep quiet about it for so long.

Anyway take care my friend, will talk again soon, Brian.

Hi Jules, I'm so pleased that everything went well at hubby's service, and the setting sounds perfect.  I'm so glad you and your family are at peace with yourselves; I think that is something which is very important when we lose somebody we love, in order for us to somehow move forward. For me although I felt at peace about my Dad I have struggled a lot to feel at peace about my Mum; so many things I wished I'd done differently during her illness but circumstances dictated at the time.  I know you will go through many emotions too Jules, but I feel sure your strength and lovely family will help you every step of the way.  I hope the Easter bunny brought you goodies, I feel like I've over-indulged a bit too much myself!  Sending you best wishes as always.  Hope x

Hi Kathy

Have returned from a good few days away. Had three full days out with family and were so lucky with the weather that the jumpers and coats were redundant and we came back looking pretty healthy!! With Zack wanting to walk everywhere it was slow but very enjoyable. Eldest grandson was in his element as we visited 'Monkey World, a theme park for under 8's and a local farmer's play park which included a woodland walk (half a mile) which I did on my own whilst they went inside a huge barn which had play equipment set amongst haybales and lots of loose straw (nappy changing was a prickly affair!!).  The holiday park was full of things for them to do and we ate at the restaurant for breakfast and dinner as it was so reasonably priced. 

Now back to reality and all washing done and dried in the garden yesterday and am shortly off to stock the fridge for a week.  In around 10 days am away for another 5 day break, this time with son, his partner and their dog.  This time we are staying in a three bed self catering cottage and aim to be out walking every day which we all love (I picked up a small local walk guide for the area and this includes 'locals' where were can refuel en route.

Feel so very lucky to have the opportunity to spent relaxing time with family and hubby would have been so proud to see how good the boiys were. It felt a little strange in that had hubby still been with us, I would not have been 'along for the ride' so to speak  (and I know we all had emotional feelings about it) but it was good for us all to have th change of scene.  A new generation of memories being made.

For the cheese-aholics amongst us I can thoroughly recommend garlic break with  melted cheese mmmmm. 

How are things with you? No doubt adjusting to cooler weather now and already longing for next Spring. Take care of yourself forum buddy and hope you will soon have good news on your sister back here.

Sending hugs.Jules x

Hi Hope

Lovely to hear from you.  I am sure in time you too will find peace regarding your Mum.  I cannot begin to know how difficult it must have been going through her illness/passing so quickly after the loss of your Dad and the fact that you were already grieving for your Dad when faced with your Mum's journey.

 My experience has been one of calm acceptance so far. I think this is because I felt I was grieving already before I lost hubby, as he was not able to make the most of the early years of his diagnosis, due to the mental affect not being able to work brought him. Have had several chats with GP (his  doctor had been seeing me twice weekly since he died as she likes to 'monitor her widows' as she put it) and this has helped enormously (along with friends and family) in that it helped me understand that my frustrations were 'okay' and that I did all I could have done given the circumstances. 

I enjoyed the change of scene/pace of life that my short break with daughter and family gave us all.The grandchildren were a delight to watch enjoying such simple things as seeing the baby animals at the local farm park and many visits to the site's play parks and soft play (and yes granny was 'silly' too).  Also the fun of the theme park for under 8's where the eldest grandson was heard to yell ' I will not survive' as he and his Mum rode the rollercoaster but was all smiles when he stepped off!!! There were poignant moments, of course, but with good weather and company I am sure it was good for us all to 'escape' for a bit.

I am now back at work for just over a week and then away again with my son, girlfriend and the westie for a walking holiday (thats the plan!), also to Dorset but a different part, closer to Swanage so this break will be more coastal. Can we be just as lucky with the weather I wonder!.

How are your lads doing . good I trust?  Hope you and your husband are keeping well and that the new property has given you new interest too.  Have faith in yourself Hope - you really did do all you could have done given the tragedy you were faced with and your parents would be enormously proud of how far you have come.  Think of you often. Sending comforting hugs.Jules xx

Hi Jules,
So good to hear you had a great time away with the family, as you say making new memories.
Surprizingly we have had a few warms days recently so am making the most of it with extra washing, blankets etc while I can and still venturing out the front to weed.  The extra watering I did during summer has stimulated more weeds normally no longer visible after Oct, but that's good I can get them out by the roots and not let them remain dormant till next Spring.
Have 2 gladioli bulbs up??  And grape hyacinth also.  Long way from Spring but I will just go with the flow.
Re sis her tests came back normal, the receptionist said same as last time.  She was corrected as when the gp emailed to Oz he said the first ones were raised therefore to have more upon return to Scotland.  After receptionist consulted gp the word was if sis hasn't heard from hosp in next town within 2 weeks has to ring for appt with liver specialist due to coarse liver.  In the meantime she is getting stuck into mums gardening (family resemblance?)
Maybe following liver diet has helped if most recent tests were normal, but still a bit of confusing.  Maybe a lack of effective communication within surgery I don't know.  Breathe in breathe out.
Still have a lot of sorting to do in the house in bedroom and computer room but much prefer being outside, at least the 2 spare rooms are tidy at present.  Still got workmen to come out for repairs, security lights etc also need gutters cleared before winter hits with full force.
Not being a party pooper, well yes I am, when do you go for cholesterol check up?
Great that you are off again soon, I am sure the weather will be kind to you.  I am gallivanting next weekend to babysit grandkids while the kids gallivant themselves.  Lovely neighbour next door will look after pets for me and I will return the favour in mid May for 2 nights, I will look after her Houdini who is smaller than my cat haha.
Now trying to work out timer device on lamp for while I am away...eeek. Will get there.
Ok Jules, will sign off for now
Take care honey bunch
Love Kathy xx
 

Hi Jules,
So good to hear you had a great time away with the family, as you say making new memories.
Surprizingly we have had a few warms days recently so am making the most of it with extra washing, blankets etc while I can and still venturing out the front to weed.  The extra watering I did during summer has stimulated more weeds normally no longer visible after Oct, but that's good I can get them out by the roots and not let them remain dormant till next Spring.
Have 2 gladioli bulbs up??  And grape hyacinth also.  Long way from Spring but I will just go with the flow.
Re sis her tests came back normal, the receptionist said same as last time.  She was corrected as when the gp emailed to Oz he said the first ones were raised therefore to have more upon return to Scotland.  After receptionist consulted gp the word was if sis hasn't heard from hosp in next town within 2 weeks has to ring for appt with liver specialist due to coarse liver.  In the meantime she is getting stuck into mums gardening (family resemblance?)
Maybe following liver diet has helped if most recent tests were normal, but still a bit of confusing.  Maybe a lack of effective communication within surgery I don't know.  Breathe in breathe out.
Still have a lot of sorting to do in the house in bedroom and computer room but much prefer being outside, at least the 2 spare rooms are tidy at present.  Still got workmen to come out for repairs, security lights etc also need gutters cleared before winter hits with full force.
Not being a party pooper, well yes I am, when do you go for cholesterol check up?
Great that you are off again soon, I am sure the weather will be kind to you.  I am gallivanting next weekend to babysit grandkids while the kids gallivant themselves.  Lovely neighbour next door will look after pets for me and I will return the favour in mid May for 2 nights, I will look after her Houdini who is smaller than my cat haha.
Now trying to work out timer device on lamp for while I am away...eeek. Will get there.
Ok Jules, will sign off for now
Take care honey bunch
Love Kathy xx
 

Hi Kathy

I certainly take the view that indoor chores take a backseat whilst I can be outside.  I came back to a lawn in desparate need of a mow so will tackle it tomorrow as weather set fair.  Had a shower (weather not me lol) this morning but now sunny again and shrubs are breaking bud so happy to see green shoots rather than bare twigs. Good that you are holding on to some warm days - definitely feel brighter when the weather is too .

Have had my blood tests (30th March) for cholesterol and GP wants me to make an appointment for early May for review so no doubt will get results then unless I get an earlier call (hope not as this would mean 'dodgy news') (she is still keeping a watchful eye on me bless her but instead of monthly now on bi-monthly visits unless I feel I need to see her otherwise). Have started to wear a pedometer so that I can keep an eye on level of exercise (too much sitting down not good ha ha).  When I am at work can walk up to 2miles per shift so thats a help.  Not a gym kind of person but love walking so am thinking of joining local Ramblers though do enjoy my own company, it would give me a more social time out.  No weight gain whilst I was on hols so very pleased.

Know you will enjoy 'sitting for the little ones.  They bring so much pleasure and much needed commonsense into day to day life (some of the comments on holiday from my eldest were hilarious!).

Hope your sister can get 'confused messages' from GP surgery sorted out as nothing worse than not knowing whether you are coming or going. Am sure will all be clearer if she sees hospital consultant and no doubt she will have her list of queries ready.  Sounds as though green fingers run in the family (mine are 'do whats necessary' hands as prefer to sit and read in garden rather than work it!!!!

Hopefully you will get all  your pre-winter work done and dusted and then be able to rest easy knowing you are all secure.  I was really pleased to have a new back wall (end of garden, next to no longer required garage!) built to replace broken fencing - security/view much better and with the quince in blossom in front of it  all is good.

Look after yourself. I know sometimes its harder than others but we do our men proud in taking their memories forward with us.  Thanks for chatting lovely lady. Jules x

Hi Jules,
Did you watch the F1?  I got up at 4.30am to watch the MotoGP, yes I am quite mad.  Another one on next weekend so hope it's on at a more civilised time.
Managed to mow the front lawn this avo and trim some shrubs, it was too pleasant to be inside. Great minds think alike....
I think it's a great idea for you to join the Ramblers.(is that a group of chatter boxes??? Only joking).   Looking at taking up social badminton while not working, just have to find a pair of shorts that won't fall down or a trip to the shops (groan) will be required.
I had lunch out with an old boss today, she was my first employer in Oz and I left to have our son so that was 27 years ago.  So we have been friends for a long time.  I call her my surrogate mother as she didn't have any kids and we do something special around the Aussie Mother's Day.
I enjoyed the pics of Andy Murrays wedding.  Is was nice to see him look so happy and the bride was radiant.
Will do a swap with the kids and swap my 4 slice toaster for their 2 slice one.  I hardly ever use it but it did get a hammering while the visitors were here.  Funnily enough they were thinking of buying one recently.
I noticed something strange today, in the kitchen 2 tea towels were folded neatly on the over door handle/bar.   I usually have 2 tea towels there but never folded perfectly.  I kinda thought...mmmm. this isn't me.  I am not known for tidiness, more like organised chaos.  Ah well maybe the pets have learnt new habits or maybe I was sleep tidying but highly unlikely.
Maybe I will return home from shops tomorrow and find the washing has been put away haha.
Timer lamp came on ok last night but didn't actually go off.  I have tweaked it again so let's hope it turns off at bedtime.  If not I will tweak some more tomorrow or try a different timer unit.
Will you do anything with your quince when ready? Make jam? Preserve them?
Don't know if I have shared this story with you yet.  When the folks were here big sis and I were going to have a chocolate baileys ( not the sis with liver probs), so I poured her a normal measure and chose only to have a shot glass for my measure.  Being the generous daughter I am I offered mum a taste, well .....didn't see that drink again.
Next night same again but mum was going to have a drop, so served it in a baileys glass.  She wasn't exactly sipping it so we asked her to go easy(she's not a big drinker), her response...."If I finish it she may offer me another, " my giddy uncle, she is such a hoot.  A tiny little woman but very much the head of the family and so good natured and never has to raise her voice.  I don't think she has ever had to.
Bit funny as when I want to get my point across I have been known to say Nanna Boo has spoken,.... funnily enough it works.
Ok dear friend will sign off for now, don't think you have anything to be concerned about re the cholesterol tests.  Not long till your next break away, you deserve every minute of it, don't forget sun block and reading material,
Love Kathy xxx
 

Hi Kathy

I did indeed watch the F1. It was actually the highlights programme as I do not have Sky.  Happy with the result of course but lucky to catch it as I had been out for a 4+mile walk and the 'warm up lap' was in progress when I switched on the tv.  Seems strange watching it without hubby as he loved the sport (used to race 750cc racing cars in his early 20's and a lot of our 'dates' were at race meets) but then many things have a different aspect to them now.

Good luck with the shorts/badminton (my knees would not 'bounce' too well lol). Its always good to have something to aim for. Have to say I prefer retail therapy to exercise and am lucky that I can walk to local stores (most within a mile and a half of home) and also garden centre (cafe does lunch!!).

So strange that you mentioned your 'toaster swap'. I had exactly the same conversation with my daughter about my 4 slicer (Mum gave me hers when Dad died as my son said we did not have one!!). I rarely use mine anyway as usually do it under the grill so a new bit of space on the worktop soon.

I agree with you about Andy Murray's wedding pics - both looked wonderful. I love the tennis so am looking forward to Wimbledon fortnight (usually have a week off but this year looks as though staffing issues will not allow this grrrr).  Work is another story at present. Now that I work alone on the department 'enjoy' is not a word I can use.  Do have some lovely 'regulars' but also feel more vulnerable when those 'not so polite' customers turn up. Still, recognise that I am fortunate to have support and need to keep going for now as 'better the devil you know'.

Healthier eating is having desired effect and a few pounds lost so will be happier in summer clothes. Today is a beautiful Spring day with temps promised of 24 so once I have been to visit Mum this morning, and having mowed the lawn at the weekend, I feel an afternoon of relaxtion  and a good crime novel in hand looming.

Glad you are managing some catch up time with old friends.  I am hoping to arrange another coach trip with a friend soon (though will also go alone if she is not free) but first am looking forward to next Wednesday when I have my next mini break (5 days).  Before that I am looking after youngest grandson. Zack, as my daughter has her hospital appointment on Friday and has been told to allow around 4hrs for all the heart tests etc (son's girlfriend is going with her in case she cannot drive afterwards).

Well, best sign off for now, enjoy our chats but housework to finish before I go out.  Look after yourself. Hugs, Jules x