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How can I move forward knowing that my cancer could come back at any time?

Kirstyn
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I was diagnosed with cervical cancer in 2019 and I have completed my treatment in 2021. My little boy was only a year and a half when I was diagnosed. I was with my ex partner as well. We had been together for 2 years then. I found that although he did come to some of my appointments, he wasn't truly supportive. During that time he would only take one day off work and weekends only because of COVID at that time as well so he could not work. I found that I had to be strong continuously. Even now when I have been stable for 5 years I am still struggling with the effects of having cancer, treatment and also trying to move forward. Yes I am great full that I'm here and I get to see my boy grow but also I have had to move out of my ex's house, deal with my son who possibly has ASD autism and get my head around having been through all of that as well. I was in and out of hospital as well and I am also now going through the menopause brought on by the treatment. I can't have hrt because of the estrogen so I'm coping with that every day as well. I know there are worse people out there than me but as my own personal struggle, how do I get to move on and live with this knowing it can come back at time? What about if I entertain the idea of another relationship? Im not sure that I can be close with anyone. I'm just really scared of taking that leap. I am trying to be kind to myself and be strong for my boy but I find it so difficult to carry on some days. 

Anyway thank you for taking the time to read my story. Any advice would be great full.

  • Welcome to the forum, Kirstyn.
    Thank you for sharing your story with us. 
    It's completely understandable to feel uncertain about the future, especially after all you've been through. The fear of cancer potentially coming back and the emotional weight of everything is a lot to carry.
    As for moving forward, it might help to focus on small, manageable steps that allow you to gradually rebuild your sense of security and confidence. It's OK to take things one day at a time and acknowledge the challenges without feeling pressured to have everything figured out. In terms of relationships, it's natural to feel cautious after everything you've been through. 
    Being kind to yourself is key, and it’s perfectly fine to take your time, especially when it comes to opening up to others.
    Hopefully others will come along shortly to chat with you and offer support.
    Take care, and remember that you are doing the best you can.
     
    Best wishes,
     
    Renata, Cancer Chat Moderator
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    Kirstyn

    Hi kirstyn,I can't sleep so just popped on here to post another poem, and I saw your post and thought I'd reach out to you. 

    I know how you feel about worrying if your cancer will return,anyone who's had any kinda cancer ,will always have this in the back of thier mind,we are all human and it's quite natural to feel like this from time to time. 

    You've been through so much  ,and having a relationship break up to deal with as well,couldn't of been easy for you.  Don't be so hard on yourself, feeling the way you do,as I said it's natural to feel this way,not nice ,as you probably think you will always feel this way,but you will get stronger I'm sure.  I'm just over four years clear of breast cancer,so I understand where your coming from. Don't give up on relationships in the future, you never know what's around the corner,you may find that special someone,when you least expect it. But im sure a lot of  your time is taken up looking after your little boy. Tell yourself  your amazing ,because you really are,I don't think us women give ourselves enough self love and praise,and we really should. We should value ourselves more than we do. Just take each day as it comes ,and do little steps to re  build  your confidence in you, why because your worth it,you push those thoughts away about your cancer returning,as to be honest those thoughts are making you unhappy. Anyone of us could go out and be hit by a bus,snuffed out like a light, but we don't dwell on these kinda thoughts ,as it probably won't actually happen. Try to look at it in this way,cancer might not actually ever return,and with your thoughts that it might,it's hindering your life,making you worried and unhappy, none of us know what tomorrow will bring,worrying about things isn't good for you.  It's natural to worry a bit,but push it to the back of your mind,otherwise even though you've beaten cancer,it's still controlling you and your thoughts,don't let it. 

    Better days are yet to come, as long as you take back controlled of your thoughts,hope this helps I really do. X

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