Hello Atq1988, 

I hope that you are feeling a little bit better - as you say, the scanxiety can be quite intense and I hope that you got all your results and that everything was fine?

What you describe is not unusual and I have read the stories of many other members of our community who despite being told that their cancer was gone felt similarly terrified that it would come back. It's difficult really to feel completely relieved and to manage to move on as it's impossible to completely forget what you went through and to continue as normal. Try and be kind to yourself and give yourself the time you need to process everything and to move forward. As you said, your fight was short but brutal and all your energy was invested in it at the time - you went through 5 round of chemotherapy, 5 rounds of immunotherapy, radiotherapy and 2 mastectomies - it is a lot in a short space of time. With time you will feel gradually better and more confident, less fearful that the cancer might come back even though it might be really hard not to have always that lingering fear at the back of your mind, but the important thing is to try and learn to enjoy everyday life taking one day at a time and to try not to think too much about it if possible. Easier said than done, of course... You are certainly not alone though feeling this way and I wanted to mention for example this thread from a couple of months ago by Fitzy1234 and this member is just one among many who will relate to how you are feeling as they themselves posted here to say the same as you, to express how difficult it can be to move on and how hard it is not to think about the cancer returning. Don't hesitate to respond to that thread if you would like to do so and I hope that you will hear from others here who have experienced the same difficulty to move on combined with this fear that the cancer would come back. I am so sorry to hear that those lovely people you knew passed away and it's hard not to feel fearful when this happens but try if you can to focus on the fact that you got that all clear and that things are looking good for you. I am keeping everything crossed for you that it's all now onwards and upwards.

I hope that your results were good and that you can gradually feel better and relieved that it is all well and truly behind you. 

Best wishes, 

Lucie, Cancer Chat Moderator

Hi Lucie, thanks so much for commenting. Unfortunately my CT scan has shown something concerning in the upper right apex of my lung so now I’m waiting for an urgent PET CT scan. It’s going to be such a difficult Christmas period worrying about this while trying to “act normal” for my son and family. I’m struggling to find anyone else who has been through something similar with TNBC and it hasn’t been bad news… 

Oh Atq1988 I was so sad to read this. I am so so sorry you are having to go through this during the Christmas period having to act normal for your family - it must be so hard and I hope that you can have the urgent PET CT scan very quickly to minimise this agonising wait. 

I am thinking of you and I hope that you get some answers soon. We are all here for you anytime you need to offload and do let us know if you get a moment what you find out after you have had the results of the scan. 

Lucie

Thanks Lucie, I’m absolutely terrified. Been to my son’s football match this morning and acting normal has been exhausting, every hour is dragging by so slowly. This time seems even worse than before I think because I know more about TNBC now, and I know the prognosis if it is lung metastases they find. I just can’t quite believe this is happening to me again. Thank you for the support x