I was diagnosed with breast cancer in March 2021 and had the tumour removed along with lymph nodes followed by 6 cycles of chemotherapy and finally radiotherapy. Although I am on my own I managed to deal with all the treatment even though it was tough at times - I will never forget "chemo summer", the muscle fatigue was unreal! However, like you, I kinda fell off a cliff into depression almost immediately after my last radiotherapy appointment. I think it's because all the way through treatment you have the end point in sight and look forward to the day of that last appointment and then when it comes it's a bit of an anti-climax. I just left after my final radiotherapy session with no fanfare, no ringing of a bell for me. All of a sudden I was on my own after months of constant medical attention and I just fell apart. You are not alone, this post-treatment depression is a real, recognised "thing". I was lucky in that I was offered counselling which helped a little but ultimately it was a slow improvement in my mood over the next year or so.
I tried to keep busy. I started a cancer support group, joined a ladies group and more recently I have started running a bereavement cafe. I volunteer at my local Hospicecare shop working with the on-line team listing things on Ebay, which I love. I am also very happy to say that for the last year I have been a member of my local fund raising committee for CRUK. Being involved with CRUK has given me some amazing insights into just what CRUK are up to - 2 weeks ago I went on a tour of the research laboratories at Southmead hospital in Bristol.Before cancer I led a very different life, on my own most of the time. As I mentioned before, I'm on my own with no family and my best friends live quite a long way away. I say that all my new friends are the silver lining in my cancer cloud.
I have told you all this because I want you to know that you are not alone in feeling as you do. I really didn't think life was worth living for a little while but there was a light at the end of the tunnel for me and there will be one for you too, you just need to look hard sometimes. I don't know your home situation but if you have family, talk to them. I personally found that everyone thinks that you must be the happiest person on the planet because your treatment is finished, that you are now "better". I was not happy. I did not feel "better". I was scared, lonely and angry with myself because I thought I should be happy and I wasn't.
I really wish you all the very best. I am here if you want to talk, but remember, you are not alone with this. There are lots of us out here who felt exactly as you do now. Keep your chin up, take one day at a time, and things will get better.
