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My partner finished treatment and has been feeling really down

Kindfluffybear
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Hello, I’m new to this whole talking to Cancer research group, I’m after some advice or maybe some of you have been going through similar. My partner had bowel cancer treatment in April and luckily they only removed half of the bowel, he recovered well, which I’m over the moon about as I’ve been struggling with anxiety and panic attacks.

A couple of months after my partner had his treatment he’s settled back into work things are going good but I’m finding his personality and outlook on life is damn right miserable, it also has a rub off effect on me and I suffer with low mood anyway. Everything he does he’s negative, if he’s got a bad cold or cough he blames on severe illness, he had bleeding in his bowel the other day and wouldn’t call a doctor after everything he’s gone through? I’m in a position where I’m sick and tired of even suggesting anything because I feel like no matter what I say it’s the wrong answer and most things come back as “I’ve got cancer I’m allowed to feel depressed or worried etc” he had cancer and they removed it. I feel like I can’t talk to my partner and support him. Sympathy is very difficult it just turns into an argument. Is this normal for someone who’s had cancer and is their any support? Thank you.

Parents
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    Hi,

    About the only thing I’ve learned through the whole cancer experience is that there’s no such thing as normal. According to this BMJ article “Depression affects up to 20%, and anxiety 10%, of patients with cancer, compared with figures of 5% and 7% for past-year prevalence in the general population” https://www.bmj.com/content/361/bmj.k1415

    People with a really awful prognosis and terrible outcomes and side effects from their treatment are often as happy as Larry right up to the end and people with an improved prognosis and good outcomes are often utterly miserable and depressed.

    I’m no psychiatrist but a lot of people become depressed no matter how good the outcome of their treatment because they are convinced that it is only a matter of time before it comes back with a vengeance and kills them. I’ve been there and it’s a difficult frame of mind to escape from. I’m not too proud to admit that I needed anti-depressants from my GP and support from virtual friends on here to take the edge off to help with my own recovery and to escape from that nightmare. 

    He might not appreciate it, but a visit to his GP to discuss his situation and how to break out of his depressive mood might help. Maybe first ask him to read this link and consider whether he may have slipped into depression. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/depression-in-adults/symptoms/  

    I hope everything turns out well for you both.

    Best wishes

    Dave

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    Hi,

    About the only thing I’ve learned through the whole cancer experience is that there’s no such thing as normal. According to this BMJ article “Depression affects up to 20%, and anxiety 10%, of patients with cancer, compared with figures of 5% and 7% for past-year prevalence in the general population” https://www.bmj.com/content/361/bmj.k1415

    People with a really awful prognosis and terrible outcomes and side effects from their treatment are often as happy as Larry right up to the end and people with an improved prognosis and good outcomes are often utterly miserable and depressed.

    I’m no psychiatrist but a lot of people become depressed no matter how good the outcome of their treatment because they are convinced that it is only a matter of time before it comes back with a vengeance and kills them. I’ve been there and it’s a difficult frame of mind to escape from. I’m not too proud to admit that I needed anti-depressants from my GP and support from virtual friends on here to take the edge off to help with my own recovery and to escape from that nightmare. 

    He might not appreciate it, but a visit to his GP to discuss his situation and how to break out of his depressive mood might help. Maybe first ask him to read this link and consider whether he may have slipped into depression. https://www.nhs.uk/mental-health/conditions/depression-in-adults/symptoms/  

    I hope everything turns out well for you both.

    Best wishes

    Dave

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