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Cried for the first time

Pauline21
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Hi everyone. For the first time tonight I've cried since I had my diagnosis and surgery.  

Had lumpectomy on 28 th march. Went well and pleased with the external scars.

But tonight while I showered I felt aroundy breast now that the swelling have gone down a little and was horrified by what I felt below the surface of the skin. 

The hard jaggied edges and gapping dent that was once my breast and look ok on the surface but is so different below, that it makes me feel sick to touch. How can I expect my partner to touch if if I can't.

I know it's early days and still have more treatment ahead, but how do you deal with the feelings of loss and discuss at your own breast. 

Have been so strong up till now.

Have any of you had reconstruction surgery after lumpectomy and if so did you feel happier with your breast after

My surgeon was dismissive of reconstruction being needed. So not sure where to go and who to ask. 

Parents
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    Hi Pauline,

    I'm sorry your feeling low right now. I had cervical cancer with internal radiation so I understand how you feel to a certain extent. The treatment that saves us can feel so invasive and it's normal to cry about it once in a while. Doesn't mean you aren't strong. I think you should do whatever makes you feel the best about yourself, and if that involves reconstruction, find another surgeon. 

    Laura xx

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    Hi Pauline,

    I'm sorry your feeling low right now. I had cervical cancer with internal radiation so I understand how you feel to a certain extent. The treatment that saves us can feel so invasive and it's normal to cry about it once in a while. Doesn't mean you aren't strong. I think you should do whatever makes you feel the best about yourself, and if that involves reconstruction, find another surgeon. 

    Laura xx

Children
  • Offline in reply to LauraP

    Hi Lara. Thanks for you comforting words.    I hope you are on the road to recovery. 

    I've been so good at taking one step at a time. And when at pre treatment planning the surgeon said that he did feel reconstruction or shaping was necessary I suppose I thought that there wouldn't be much of a dent. Which to be honest if you look there doesn't appear to be much. But when you touch and feel the area it's so rough and jagged with hard edges. It feels like someone hacked a lump of meat into pieces and left it in place of my breast. 

    Hopefully as you say in time it will settle. 

    I still have to await results to know if margins and lymph nodes are clear before moving on to the next part. 

    I'm not one to cry so I suppose I shocked myself a little to find how upset I was . 

    Thanks for listening sweetie. X

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