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Loss of memories

April70
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Hi there...

I lost my mother to ovarian cancer 10 years ago. I was 11 when I happend so We didn't have that much time together, the problem is that I can't remember anything about her and at sometimes even her face is just a blur. After her death my family had a lot of issues, we were living in a two bed appartment with the 5 of us and are financial situation was not good. I feel like the situation we were in has contributed to my loss of memories but the more I think about not remembering her the worse my mental state has become. 
I do feel guilty about all of this and I'd just like to know if anyone has any advice on how I can move on and not feel so unsettled. 

  • Hello April70

    I'm sorry to hear that you're struggling with the grief of losing your Mum. Grief never leaves us no matter how long ago you may have lost a loved one and it's natural that from time to time you may feel sad or struggle with your thoughts and feelings. 

    Memories do fade over time and with you having lost your Mum so young it's understandable that you struggle to remember things at times. I don't know if you have a memory box or have ever thought about making one. Somewhere that you can store anything you have that reminds you of your Mum. Maybe photographs, mementos, perhaps you could write down some of your memories about your Mum. Having those things in one place might help on the days when you struggle to remember. 

    I wonder if you might also find it useful to talk to a bereavement counsellor about things. It's never too late to seek support with your emotions and a charity such as Cruse may be able to offer you some help. 

    I hope that this helps. 

    Best wishes, 
    Jenn
    Cancer Chat moderator 

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    Hi April70, 

    I am a mother of two girls, one is the same age as you and the other is 16. Since I was told I had stage 2 endometrial cancer, my biggest worry is how my illness would affect my girls n whether I will live to the time I see them grow up to become independent adults. So when I read your post, my heart hurts. You must have gone through a lot of difficulties when you had to start looking after yourself in a big family without your mom by your side when you were only 10. You must have been an incredibly strong young girl when facing all the difficult physical and emotional needs when going through puberty.  Although you sound lost and confused in your post, your words also show that you are a decent and compassionate young lady who has genuine love and honesty for oneself and others. It is normal that your memory of your mother is fading. People do forget. In this busy world, our lives are so hectic. Even when we try to hold tight, sometimes our memories just slip away. Trust me, I am like you too. 

    As a mother who has cancer, my only wish is that my daughters will be living happily as independent and confident adults. I would not mind if they one day forget me as long as their present and future are filled with happiness, purpose and good health. So April70, find your own happiness by living a good life. This will be the best way for you to show your love to your mum. 

    Take care!

    Best wishes, 

    Chui

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