Hi

My mum passed away 3 weeks ago today and she was only diagnosed the 7th Feb and givem 4-6weeks and passed away on the 10th only 3 days later.  

Cancer is cruel but time is precious, you have to accept what is happening and make the most of everyday minute because time is not on your side when you are sick, i understand how you don't want family to see you upset but they will be the ones supporting you at the hard times ahead so talk to them and share your feelings, it won't change your situation but it may make u feel a bit of relief to tell someone how you are feeling about it all.

Take photo's and make any memories while you can and cherish what time u have.

I'm so sorry for you its not nice atall im still not grieving properly as i think im in the shock stage because it all happened so fast 

Zoe 

I know how that feels, like your the one that has to hold it together for everyone else? I feel like I'm numb, I wanted to burst into tears but nothing actually happens, I just carry on.

my grandad (I live with him on my own) has just been told he has stage 4 & they can't do anything for him either. I have a million and one questions but no answers. I've had the same dream on and off for a year of me coming downstairs (he sleeps downstairs) to him dead and my family all blame me, on and off and now with this I feel like that dream will come true, I can't feel like I can settle at night, I've even got him a door bell next to him to ring if he needs me in the night it's worried me that much. I feel alone in all of these even though I'm surrounded by so many supportive people I just feel like I need to be the strong one and be there for them.

i find this page a bit of a safe place, no one judges, everyone understands, no extra hurt for the family. 

This may be a stupid question but have you found anything that takes your mind off it? Even for a second?

To be honest I'm not sure if I'm coping really well or i havent allowed it to hit me properly, i have 2 children and married so that is what keeps me busy, if i had too much time on my hands then im sure it would become alot harder as i will keep sitting and thinking about it all.

Dreams can be horrible but that is more like your subconscious over thinking what you are worried is going to happen, your family wont blame you, everyone reacts differently to grief but if people say anything they wont mean it, it will more likely be that people know you are the one doing alot of the work and taking the strain and they will feel kind of jealous maybe that they didnt/couldn't be there as much. 

I never would have thought at new year id be on this chat but horrible things happen and you have to cope the best you can and make the most of happy days, remember you still have your loved one and need to focus on what you have right now, time is so precious i know that only too well