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Saying things that you regret

scre72
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I said something to a colleague last week. I felt like I was trying to help her but it turned out to be a huge mistake. She was feeling very sad about something that had happened to her in the past. I said that she should find a way to move on:either to find a way to make it better or to try to come to terms with it. I have stage 4 skin cancer and life feels too short to leave things unresolved. She was very angry and reported me to my boss. I had already apologised but I had to apologise and explain to my boss this morning. I feel tired and confused. I should know better to give advice without being asked but somehow it felt like the right thing to do. Has anyone else had similar feelings?

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    Hi and welcome,

    You only did what most people would have done and should be commended for trying to help your collegue, especially as you have cancer yourself. You obviously have a kind and caring nature and I hope this doesnt put you off doing it in future, Brian.

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    Hi and welcome to the forum.

    I am so sad that your advice backfired against you and am sure many in your own situation would have commented in much the same way.  Having lost my husband to cancer  last year I can certainly say that I feel the same way as you do but these things do not always go down with others.  Please do not let it stop you from be such a caring person. Having apologised (twice) you have done more than enough and hope that you are getting the support you need both at work and from family. 

    Wishing you all the very best and carry on making the most of your own life.  Jules54 x

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    Grrr. How silly. I would of said the same. If she can't do either of the above then she shouldn't bring it to work. Saying all that, I'm a grumpy person and I can neither make the loss of my dad better or come to terms with it. I can't believe she was so petty as to tell your boss. That is ridiculous!!! Life is too short to try and help those who are yet to realise just how precious life is. 

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    Hi Scre

    When you are ill with cancer mostly you don't have a lot of energy, either physical or mental and situations like this can weigh heavily on your mind. You did the right thing by trying to help out and the advice you gave her is sound. If only there were more kind hearted people like you in this world. It's a shame your colleague was so mean spirited to report you to your boss. It should have been them apologising to you not the other way round. I hope you have a lovely weekend, take some time out for yourself. My partner has a plaque on the kitchen wall that says "I can only please one person at a time and today I choose me" Kim

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    Hi,

    She's an angry,self-centred, idiot - sadly the World is full of them. You obviously hit a nerve, speaking the  truth often does that.

    You are right, living with Stage 4 makes you see things differently. As I see it, life is too short for worrying about the feelings of idiots. You've apologised for something which didn't need an apology, time to draw a line under it. Your boss presumably knows about your diagnosis and will already know your colleague is an idiot, so don't worry about it

    Best wishes

    Dave

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    Hi there and welcome to the forum. I'm so sorry to hear that you have 4th stage cancer. I think all of us have a very different view on life's issues after receiving a life altering diagnosis of cancer. Perhaps we take on the view that anything other than cancer could never measure up to what we struggle with on a day to day basis. I'm going to throw a curve ball into this discussion by presenting a different side to what's already been said here. I'm not aware of what the issue was that your co-worker confided in with you and I'm not asking you to disclose that information. Perhaps your co-worker wasn't looking for you to resolve the issue for her, but just wanted you to hear that she is hurting. As humans, our first instinct is to jump to a solution for someone's pain and discomfort, when in fact, that is not what the person confiding in us wants us to do. In many cases, that person may just want to express what they feel and have that validated by the other person. I think her decision to report to your supervisor was her knee *** reaction to not getting the response from you that she had hoped to get. It was also not an appropriate thing for her to do. Perhaps misunderstanding on both sides contributed to the end result.

    I'm sorry that the action of your co-worker has created some tension for you with your supervisor and I hope nothing comes of it for you as a result. I hope this experience doesn't cloud your view in future interactions with co-workers or in fact anyone you interact with. Perhaps another time it might be helpful to just be a good listener and ask the person if there is anything you can do to help. At that point the person may say that they just needed to get it off of their chest, or they may ask you for your opinion on a possible solution. Its' too bad your co-worker misread your intention to be helpful to her. Sometimes the best of intentions don't bring us the results we had hoped for.

    Take care of yourself and let us know how this turns out for you with your supervisor. Again, I hope your supervisor realizes that you only wanted to help a co-worker in her time of need.

    Lorraine     

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