Hello.  I almost don't know where to start.  My husband had lymphoma 7 years ago, which was successfully treated with chemotherapy.  He has now been diagnosed with adenocarcinoma of the bowel, which has spread to his liver and possibly other parts of the body.  He is due to have an operation to remove part of the bowel next week, followed by treatment for the metastatic cancer.

About 18 months ago we bought a house down by the coast and moved in with my mother and her husband.  They had had a very difficult time with one of my brothers who has mental health problems, and didn't want to remain in their house.  I moved down to the new house with my daughter, who is 11, but my husband stayed on in London to work.  He rents a flat and we see each other at weekends.  Up to now this has worked well.

When we moved into the new house my other brother (who had been living with my mum and stepdad) moved in too, on (we understood) a temporary basis.  He refuses to work, refuses to sign on and basically lies in bed all day.  My mum said that she would use part of the proceeds of sale of her house to buy a place for both of my brothers to live.

When my husband was diagnosed with bowel cancer, he wrote to mum, asking when my brother would be moving out, as with the outcome of his treatment uncertain he might have to give up the flat in London and move home to recuperate.

My mum has retaliated by saying my brothers no longer wish to live together so she will buy a place for the other brother (the one with mental health issues) to live in, and we have to accept that the brother living with us will be with us indefinitely.  She has suggested turning the lounge into a bedroom for my husband.

I am completely in the middle - both my husband and my mum look to me to support what they want to do, and my mum especially bullies and sulks if she doesn't get her way.  I want to be able to do everything I can to ensure that my husband is OK, but I can't simply decamp back to London to look after him because of my daughter, and the fact that I have a full-time professional job where we now live.  My husband's treatment is being carried out in London.

I am sorry that this is so long-winded, but I just don't know what to do.  Whatever happens, I foresee huge family arguments and stress, which will adversely affect my husband and my daughter.  I also have no idea what to expect with my husband's treatment - his previous chemo for the lymphoma went incredibly well, but the bowel cancer is a different matter.  Any thoughts or advice would be very gratefully received.