Hello There!
I would be grateful for your help and advise.
I am 41 and was diagnosed of breast cancer with lymph nodes in Feb 2020. I started my chemo in March, I recently finished Chemo, still going on the hormonal therapy infusion. I also had my mastectomy and axillary lymph nodes dissection 3 weeks ago.
I am now waiting on radiotherapy.
When I got diagnosed my husband was supportive and good.
My mum and my niece has come from my home country to help me here. I also have a 6 year old son (just turned 6)
now, I noticed that emotionally he is very unavailable and withdrawn. He comments negatively on petty things and it gets more stressful for me. He doesn't seem grateful that my mum is here helping and I totally understand that it's our home, he might feel there is too many people.
He relies on my mum and my niece a lot to go shopping, cleaning and he doesn't do much. He took 3 weeks off work to help as well but he barely help, he always sleepy, tired, annoyed and on his tablets most of the times.
He is on and off with helping. He helped for 2 - 3 days during my op and after
To be honest, I think if a husband want to be helpful, I do not need to ask for help, he should know that for e.g our son needs bathing, put in bed etc..the routine.
On day 3 or 4 (post op) I bathed my son which was very difficult. His helped was very minim and still is.
He is a bit of a too laid back husband. I feel very emotional with everything and I dont have any emotional support from him. I have always been the one who do too much here and even go shopping with heavy back prior to my diagnosed, I never took too much noticed about it as I am quite active in everything.
He seems to be too laid back or lazy.
Our relationship in this challenging time has take a turn downwards and I am even thinking of the 'd' word, but I think of my son. Even financially I am struggling, he is no help either. I stand independantly financially, I dont ask or get help from him.
Everything we have to pay such as bill, food etc, we go half half. My mum here to help, he doesnt help with that part financially.
Most of the thing he talks about is saving. I do understand saving and moving forward is a must but during my battle against cancer, my mind is on getting better.
If he is not here for me in my low point in life, what is the point?
Am I expecting too much on him?
Am I being unreasonable. I do not know what to expect as I have always done things myself.
I have pain in my body and have to deal with a lot. Even during chemo, I find myself doing so.much. I had very lil rest.
At the mo, we do not really talk to each other (long explanation)
I would be most grateful for your help.
I am really sorry for the long message.
Thank You
J
