After my horrible sessions of chemo, my scan revealed the chemo had put holes into my tumour but hadn't shrunk it enough to warrant a successful lumpectomy, I opted for single mastectomy with lymph nodes removal. After op I was told there were still active cancer cells in tumour. I was told by my surgeon that I will need more chemotherapy treatment as well as radiotherapy. I'm devastated. I'm currently receiving Herceptin injections every three weeks. I cannot face the awful chemo again. If it had little effect with first session I can't understand why another lot of awful sessions will be needed. Surely radiation will mop up any stray cancer cells. My oncologist is on holiday so no idea when I will be speaking to her about what surgeon told me. I feel so depressed, as I was assured that the neoadjuvant chemo was highly successful. I was not told it wasn't guaranteed. All through my awful chemo sessions I was given positive messages that it would be all worthwhile and would be killing the cancer. I was even given a clip inserted into tumour just incase it completely obliterated it, so they'd know where it originally was. I was left with a 5cm tumour instead of a 6cm I've with a few holes in it. I really don't want to have more chemo. It has been 8 weeks since last session, and I've still not got my full sense of taste back, so food tastes bland. My hair has just started to grow back, and that had cheered me up. I was feeling so happy after my end of chemo sessions and people telling me the worst was over now it was finished. Even the mastectomy didn't bother me. I'm still in pain with lymph node removal but it's only been just under two weeks and seems to be getting a bit less painful each day. I can't stop crying when I think of going through chemo again. I've got a telephone appointment with a doctor regarding my radiotherapy treatment next Tuesday, so I'm hoping I'll be having that soon and not chemo. I just want them to be totally honest with me now, and not give me false hope, to then me feeling so disappointed, and disillusioned when it doesn't turn out like I've been told it would. I've got cancer trying to kill me, and I can't even hug my son and grandson because of this virus that could possibly kill me too. Sorry for the rant. I'm just feeling sorry for myself and a bit angry at the world right now. I'll feel better once I've had a good old cry.
