Hello Sambee2, my story is three years ago my husband who is now 74 was diagnosed with incurable lung cancer three years ago.  So I k ow how hard the waiting is.  The treatment carries on working even after it's finished so they like to do a scan to see how it's going later on as this is a better reading.  I would imagine that either before they see him he might get a scan, or the oncologist may wait and see how he looks and how he is coping first.  So everyone is different in how they deal with their patient.  He will get chest infections, my husband gets them regularly but it's lung cancer so it's normal to get these, it's horrible to see them suffer but it's the nature of the cancer.  We just take it a day at a time and don't look ahead, we can't guess how it will go but if your Dad is like my husband he will fight it for his family.  Mine hates his daughters worrying about him, it stresses him out, so just be there for him, offer help but don't try and control the situation it really isn't possible, so stay strong and upbeat, no one wants to see sad faces and worried family, I know it's hard but you can do it.  I'll put you on my follow the thread so I can see how you are doing.  Best of luck with your Dad's treatment.  Carol x 

Hello

firstly that you so much for your response that's really kind. I'm so sorry to hear your husband is incurable how does he cope with this? Is there any treatment he is offered? We haven't been told for certain my dad isn't incurable but we were told only 1 in 10 survive the cancer and would see how he responded to treatment so we are now waiting for the appointment. Still no scan or any sign of a scan so I'm guessing they will as you said see how he is at the appointment. My dad doesn't talk any he just always tells us he is fine and doesn't really like to go into detail often gets agitated with us so we try our best to not speak about it Infront of him. Thank you so much. I don't know anyone who has went through this so I often struggle with my own thoughts and often late at night when I originally posted this sink into my own little depression. It's hard to comprehend. My dad is only 55 so hard to come to terms with the fact he has cancer. How do you manage? How does your kids cope? 
 

thank you again for your kindness 

Sam 

Hi carol,

I am so happy to hear that the treatment has made a difference to your husband and I pray for yous. Thank you so much. Unfortunately my dad has emphysema in one lung and the other lung has cancer so this is where he struggles with options. He has also had a previous heart attack so they are keen to avoid chemo and this is why radiotherapy was offered. It's the waiting and the unknown for me that I struggle with at the moment but everything you have said is correct and I really appreciate your response it really does give me some kind of peace knowing other people can offer me advise. I think I was very guilty of hearing the word cancer and expecting him to be dead two weeks after. It's a bit of peace to know that people can still live for many years with cancer even if incurable. My thoughts are with you and your husband x

My mum was diagnosed with stage 3 lung cancer in February. It was a horrible shock and all I could think was "she's going to die!" A loved one being diagnosed with cancer is awful but it doesn't have to be a death sentence. I've learnt so much through this difficult journey. Before mum was diagnosed I barely knew anything about cancer. Now I feel that I've learnt so much, one of the things being that treatments for cancer have improved greatly and that cancer doesn't have to be a death sentence. 

The worst thing is doing too much research on the internet as there's so much outdated and contradicting information. Dont get too hung up on survival rates especially as many of these statistics are from years ago and don't take into consideration improvements in treatment (which have progressed hugely) and that every person is different. A chance is a chance no matter how small is it is. There are so many things that can improve those chances. 

There are so many people who are living with cancer, even stage 4 for several years. Years ago this wouldnt have been the case. I remember the first consultant we saw who confirmed that my mum had lung cancer, said that if it was 10-15 it would have been bad news, but now treatments has improved greatly. 

I'm not giving false hope but it's important to try and be hopeful and have a positive mind frame. Hopefully the treatment will work. If not there are different options. Perhaps you could go to a different oncologist or consultant. There are  different clinical trials and treatments. Do you know if your dad is eligible for immunotherapy?

Thank you so much for your reply. I really needed to read that! His oncologist he has had is a bit of a witch to be honest my mum ended up complaining to the cancer nurses about her and they have an appointment with the oncologist again on the 1st of June my mum is waiting to see how this appointment goes then will consider asking for someone else to manage his case. We don't even know where we are at at the moment. He finished radiotherapy 5 weeks ago and waiting until this appointment to find out if treatment has been successful or not. The worst thing right now like many people is the unknown if we had answers I think it would be easier to get our heads around and figure out the next step. I'm sorry to hear about your mum how are things with her? Has she managed to have any treatment? 
 

x

No worries :) , I know how tough it is. I think it would definitely be beneficial to change the oncologist. I think that it's really important to gel with your doctor/s. Some doctors are better than others. That reminds me that I need to change my GP, she's also a witch; really unsympathetic, rude and unhelpful. I think that your mum is right to complain about this oncologist; hopefully they can find your dad a better and more sympathetic one.

We've seen a variety of consultants and oncologists as where my mum is being treated is a big hospital and they work as part of a big team; all of them apart from one have been brilliant. We once saw this awful consultant who confirmed that my mum has cancer. He started off with "I'm afraid it's bad news." Our heart's stopped; we thought that's it, it's spread and she doesn't have long left to live, but luckily it wasn't the case. He confirmed that she had stage 3 lung cancer and that it hadn't spread. He was really miserable, but he said that the cancer was treatable.

Some doctors have bad bedside manners and don't know how to deal with patients. OK cancer isn't exactly great news, but he didn't have to put it so bluntly, implying that it was the worst case when it wasn't. Luckily we only had to deal with him once as he was filling in and we don't have to see him again. The other doctors have been so positive. My mum has finished treatment and today she had the results from the scan. Luckily the tumour has shrunk and the doctor thinks that it's really good news. My mum will start immunotherapy soon as well.

It's well worth asking about immunotherapy. Has your dad had a molecular profile done? Wait until the results of the treatment; hopefully it will work. I think the key step would be changing the oncologist. The worst thing is seeing a doctor that you don't like or have faith in, a bit like with my GP.  You could maybe even look at different hospitals if possible if the current one where your dad is being treated at isn't great for cancer treatment. Some hospitals unfortunately have better specialisations in some areas, but not others. 

Stay strong. It's important that your dad looks after his health as well as that contributes to better health including no smoking (if he smokes), not drinking much alcohol, eating good and healthy foods (plenty of fruit and veg) and maybe taking supplements (make sure to check with the doctor before starting any supplements as they may interfere with treatment or his health). 

Wishing you all the best x

Hi just going through this process with my dad he's only recently told me he has stage 3 lung cancer he starts his radiotherapy today, we have a strained relationship since my mum died so I'm not really sure what's going on as his partner takes him to appointments etc so I only know a little of what is happening am thinking this is going to be a rough journey I can only be there if he reaches out to me which hopefully he will.