Well that was unexpected

After posting positively a couple of weeks ago, gotta say I've been punched between the boobies.

Had my results call on Friday and frankly they were disappointing. I was expecting the all clear, yeah we got it out, lymph nodes are fine, radiotherapy, blah blah blah. 

Nope. 

My lymph nodes are riddled with cancer and when they checked the breast tissue they removed, they discovered there were lots of cancer cells around the edges, suggesting they didn't get it all.

So, I've now been upgraded to Stage 2 cancer, with another op this coming Thursday. 

I honestly didn't see it coming. Spent yesterday in bed and will take all my strength to get out of bed today.

I keep getting tearful because I feel so bad that I'm putting hubby and my family through this. Its my birthday this week and they are upset they can't come see me, because of social distance and shielding. I've told everyone to video call me, because it's nobody's fault they can't come. They are all so sad about this news.

Im only posting here so I can vent about how mentally awful I feel. Nobody has seen me cry, I've saved that for when I'm on my own. I have also only allowed my autistic son to cry in front of me.

Positives though, our finances are sorted. Also, because of corona lockdown, my husband is able to take time to care for me. We both work in schools and he was called in to make NHS face visors during the holidays. While there, the guy in charge of the staff rota had a chat with him, and Hubby admitted I was ill with cancer at home. As a result of his volunteering, hubs was taken off the staff rota, though we think my situation might have been taken into account as well. He is working from home from tomorrow, fielding ICT questions from parents and pupils.

I may be down, but I'm not out! 

  • Oh, I am sorry you have to got through this. But the most important thing is that they remove all those cancer sells from the breast tissue and lymph nodes. I was stage 2 and had a masectomy and axillary lumph node clearance underarm, there were cancer cells in 2 lymph nodes. They will get you home as soon as possible after your surgery and then decide on further treatment. I ended up in hospital after my 3rd chemo and the staff were brilliant at keeping me isolated and safe from the Virus. I have had 3 rounds of chemo, but now will have radiotherapy and medication. i am a bit further down the line than you, but it will pass.

    Good that you dont have financial problems and have a caring hubby to look after you.

    Wishing you all the best.

    Silver x

  • Thank you. I don't know if I will be having a mastectomy yet, they are planning on just scraping out the cells. I'd actually prefer to whip it off. I also don't know if I will be having chemo. Think that's why I'm so distressed. My nurse is calling me tomorrow, so I can put these worries to her and get some answers. Well done you for getting this far xxx

  • Hi,

    What a disappointment for you.  I was like you, convinced everything would be ok when I went for my post surgery consult with the nurses team. I had been diagnosed with Stage 2 invasive lobular carcinoma and had opted for a mastectomy. I'd actually tried to get the surgeon to take them both off, but despite begging, pleading, cajoling etc he was adamant that they don't remove a healthy breast. He wanted to do a lumpectomy and offered to do a reconstruction and to reduce the other one to give me the pert breasts of a twenty year old. (I'm 73!!!) I rejected that idea because it would have meant further surgery if he hadn't got clean margins and even more surgery for the reconstruction. 

    At my two week check up my surgeon walked into the room and I greeted him like an old friend, saying, cheerfully, I hadn't expected to see him.  In the meantime, my daughter was sitting next to me with a sinking feeling in her stomach because she knew this wasn't good news.

    His first words to me were that he was really glad I had insisted on a full mastectomy rather than the recommended lumpectomy because the tumour was bigger than expected and there was cancer in one of the sentinel nodes!  So I would need further surgery after all, to remove the lymph nodes in my armpit.  Bummer, I wasn't expecting that!  

    Anyway, I had the lymph node extraction and, fortunately they were clear!  So it wasn't the end of the world for me, and it probably won't be for you, either.

    Also, a mastectomy, if that's what you're having, is easier to recover from than a lumpectomy, I hear. The lymph node surgery takes a bit longer to recover from completely, but only a week or so. The important thing is that they get it all, so you can get on with your life.  

    I am six months down the line now, and apart from a few issues with fluid retention in  the operation site I am doing great and feel like my old self. Immediately prior to discovering I had cancer, I had been feeling exhausted all the time, unable to make myself do the things I loved.  I just wish he had taken both breasts off because I don't like having a dangly double d alongside my pert little a cup that will also disappear once the fluid is gone. He did say he would remove it if I still wanted him to, a few months down the line, but my children, who suffered far more than me through the whole process have said never again!

    You sound like you have the right frame of mind to deal with whatever is thrown at you and I really hope you will be replying to someone on here, in another six months, to tell your story to make them realise that there could be worse things to happen to you and life goes on!

    Good luck for your recovery, 

    Christine xxx

     

     

     

  • Thanks to the folks who replied to me. I had my surgery yesterday and woke up to find myself with a drain. I now have one B cup and one F cup, which is annoying as Heck!!! I will get my results next Friday. Worst case is the breast tissue is riddled, so mastectomy and a third surgery gah! They removed my lymph nodes and dependent on the state of them, I might need a full body scan for secondary cancer. I might also need chemo. What I am hoping for is the all clear and advance to radiotherapy. This surgery was more painful than the last one and my physio is more difficult to do this time. I will keep doing it though, because I want my arm back to normal. Anyway have a great weekend everyone, stay safe and healthy xx