Hi
I know this may sound to many absolutely ridiculous and I've heard it a thousand times that health should be my number 1 priority but I'm devastated !
For me, my journey with cancer has gone as good as it could have physically so I haven't had a problem with that. I'm now free of cancer but start radiotherapy this week coming and am on Herceptin and Pertuzamab until Nov. I've only used 10 out of the 16 weeks of sick pay from work so have therefore worked the majority of the way through my treatment because the people I work with have been who have got me through (as well as family of course.) No, for me it has been all about mental health.
Before all this covid, I was approx 6 weeks away from sitting down with my manager and working out how I get back to my job. (My manager has been wonderful and even created a role for me that has not really been needed but related to my normal role.) I am passionate about what I do and have gone through A LOT to get where I am. My biggest issue in getting back to my role is my anxiety and confidence over facing the public (I am a trainer) and overcoming the fact that I've put my manager through an emotional rollercoaster throughout my cancer journey or which I NEVER in a million years ment to do.
Getting to the point, I saw getting back to my normal role at work as a MASSIVE part of my recovery. So much so that I saw it as being able to close the door on all the hell that I have been through since I was diagnosed in August last year. I am really really struggling mentally now with the fact that I can't get back to my role due to this covid. I now have to self isolate when I was so so close to getting back to normal. I'm gutted. Miserable. Missing the people who have helped me and supported me the most. As a trainer, there's not much I can do at home asides getting all my lesson plans perfect which I have been working on since my diagnosis! Of course my colleagues have had to stop working too so we are all in the same boat in that way, but the whole reason I went to work was to keep busy and my mind off of the cancer. They say that when you finally finish cancer treatment is when it can hit people the hardest. I was already starting to feel that way recently and before this covid. My colleagues will be offered alternative work which will be to support the NHS. I can't obviously do that. I'm so down.