Relationship whist having cancer

I came down ill being sick every day, had the flu and lost so much weight. Got diagnoised with cancer April 2019 I was quite low and felt depressed, and once I started the treatment in November 2019 it was from the very first day of treatment a symptom would start. I had, flu, phnemonia, chest infections, had my ears blocked for 2 weeks was horrible, hard wax hurt my ears, and it was painful trying to get them out. Colds constant, hot and cold. Itchy all over, mainly buttocks was horrible. So I became a little stressed,  tired, became grumpy nearly every day. My fiance was getting a bit annoyed with me as days went on with my moodiness. I said to him I can't help the way I am it's the cancer makes me feel like this. It got to the point where he said I needed to change or it's going to be else otherwise as in over. I tryed my best but only lasted a few days, I was always stressed, cried so much he never knew. He mentioned I need to change quite a lot of times that, it got to the point of me wanted to changed by feeling happy loved, wanted my man to be romantic. This then affected us coz I said I don't like the look of his long hair bearded he is growing, I wanted to find the attraction again Becoz it felt like we was falling apart. I told him I loved him just didn't find the bearded look attractive. For some reason he thinks if u don't find someone attractive u don't love them.  We was going to make up in the end coz he shaved it and thing was going to be ok till he ditched me for .valentines with his friends, my son's bday is on valentines so we usually would plan day after. The meal I had planned for us I desided to cook for my self instead since he was not even remotely interested in spending time with me. He never brought me flowers, not even for our anniversary a week before valentines. So now I am where I am getting advice, but to me he sounds like a douche now, I've told him I'l leave coz he always try to tell me to leave the house. I don't want to but don't want to go through an orquid moment and stress on top of wat I feel of him not wanting to leave and picking on me. My ex did that he was abusive and took me 2 months till he finally left. Is he scum, he says the cancer is nothing to do with my moodiness when it is. Got told to ask him if he will go counselling. 

  • Hi kimcharm cancer changes people nomatter what you were like before. Stress, fear, treatment side effects, over time you get a new normal. If he can't help when you nead it or be there when you want help or be there when he knows it's special to you. Maybe I'm saying to much but up to you what you do. Hope you sort something out soon best wishes and hope you have a good future..... 

    Billy 

  • When i was ill having cemo my wife looked after me (she has bipolar and rumatics.). Summer 2016. Last year wife diagnosed with Alzheimers and parkinsons. I'm on palliative care since February 2016 but I'm always looking after my disabled wife we work together help each other. That's how partners sort things out, together... Best wishes....

    Billy 

  • It's the words his said, saying that it's not the cancer, always saying I want sympathy, I don't even think he realises I cry, I can't sleep. It's lovely to hear a story like yours where you stuck together. I fear I have a man who probably never even loved me at all or probably just don't find me attractive anymore. We have 6 kids, one was adopted recently, and it's not fair they have to go through this. I got told to ask him if will do counselling with me. But I can't seem to come across to saying it, coz I keep thinking maybe he would feel like I'l have to be with her coz of the cancer and she wants to make this work. I don't know what his really thinking  but he keeps being mean back since we have split and living around each other.

  • I have breast cancer. I have been having chemo since late November. 
    I am also going through a relationship break up.

    its emotional, on top of what I'm dealing with already, but I feel like I made the right choice. I have a lot of heart break and emotions but it's nothing like the stress I was feeling in a toxic relationship. I feel almost released and free now it's ended. I had a chemo session yesterday and have just one more to go in 3 weeks before my surgery so it really feels like I just need to get through these next 2 months of recovery and then I can start fresh and start rebuilding a life for me and my children. 

    have a good think about what you want and make sure you are fully decided before jumping into a drastic decision. You are at a very vulnerable stage in your life with your health and you need to make sure you do what is best for you and your children. Maybe it can work after communicating together and working together?

    set goals, decide what you want out of life and what makes you happy and go for every moment of it. If cancer teaches you anything it's that life is a gift and it's possible we have a shorter time here than we expected. Don't wAste it on the wrong people and also remember you can't force people to want what you want. Find out what he wants, is he just stressed and not dealing with things or does he want out? You need to find this out. 

    you are most important right now. It's your life and your happiness that come first 

    lots of love to you xx

  • Hello Kimcharm. Sorry to read of your difficult situation, which is taking it's toll on your relationship. It must be hard for you dealing with cancer and treatment and still trying to get through everyday life. What type of cancer do you have and are you still having treatment?

    Kind regards,

    Lynne.

  • I want to know if he loves me? I don't want to be the one to sort this, I don't want to false him to be with me. He keeps saying cancer doesn't make you moody but it has. It's been so hard I cry a lot. He knows I cry but still being stubborn. He already said he would never leave the kids. He has told me to leave several times, he now said he wants a place and have half one week with them and second half me. He can't cope there's 6 of them it's mad 

    All my love and best to you hun

  • Melanoma skin cancer, i had a biopsy and have a big scar on face n chin, cancer was found in my lymths. 

    Many thanks