Hi all,

Sorry not posted for a long time as thought I would be able to cope with support from family, but some haven't been as supportive as I needed/wanted, hence me hitting a bad low patch.

Brief run down - 1st diagnosed with stage 1 breast cancer  (left side) September/October 2018, this diagnosis came about 3 ish months after a house fire and having to live out of hotels for 5 weeks waiting to be re-housed, so already stressed etc, this came like a sledge hammer hitting me.  As my head was not in a good place, I delayed surgery and was prescribed Letrazole to keep the lump under control, but as taking Letrozole and as far as I was aware, not being clear of periods for 2 years, so not yet gone through the change, I also had to have 3 m thaonthly injections to force the change, with this came side effects, but twice as bad, (I will never complain about having a hot flush again).  This medication has also caused  a horrible skin condition where my auto immune system is not liking what I am taking and is trying to fight it off and this has caused my skin layers to seperate, which is allowing fluid to come to the surface and this is causing my skin to blister, and this is all over my body, but is at it worst on my lower legs and feet, and this is extremely painful, and sometimes the blisters on my feet grow to about 5" round and all I can do is wait for them to pop and then dress them.

Anyways, to cut a long story short and being told different things every time I went to the hospital, I made a decision last year around October that this lump needed to be gone, BUT AFTER a pre op assesement, I was told that due to varying things, I was too much of a risk to be put under general anaesthetic, but, another consultant was willing to do the op with me under local anaesthetic.  This was booked in for 23rd January, so the cancer is now gone :), but the lymph gland is still there but was not showing any signs of cancer.

I have now also had the appointments for Radiotherapy planning which is due to start on 24th February and this will be daily for 3 weeks (no weekends).

I should now be estatic, happy, grateful etc, etc, but I have hit a complete low, crying, no interest in anything, even wishing that I had never been diagnosed.  I keep telling myself that I am on the last stage of this journey and that there are people a lot worse off than me, but it is making no difference.  

My husband is trying so hard and has been a rock throughout this, but he is at a loss how to help me, I can't talk to a my oldest daughter due to something she said at the very start of it, telling me I was being negative etc etc, I have tried several times, but her words keep coming back to me, so I can't/don't talk to her, my other daughter has a 10 month old baby and is due again in April so has enough on her plate.

Is this normal, have others been through this, I just don't know anymore, I am lost, also worried about having more time off work while I have the radiotherapy, I have been told more than once that it makes you very tired etc.

I am sorry about the long post, but reaching out for help as I don't know if this is all normal.

Thank you in advance.

Dee