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Why did i do it ?

Puddle-Jumper
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I am so flipping angry with myself. I have been struggling to tell any of my family that i have Cancer and after speaking to McMillan last week, they helped me with a few suggestions on how to do it.

Well i tried today and all i have done is cause my sister so much heartache. I didn't even get to tell her about the Cancer so instead just told her i was going in for a lung op and added a load of balony about why i was having it and because of the op,  i wouldn't be able to visit her for a wee while and she absolutely went to pieces, she was visibly shaking and sobbing uncontrolably and i tried my best to reassure and console her and theni had to leave her like that, all alone and upset.

I wish now that i hadn't said anything and went  with my initial theory of doing it on my own because i knew this would happen. I haven't even cried for myself yet but to see someone else cry because of me is ripping me apart and now i feel that i can't do this to anyone else. My brother is an even bigger softie than my sister so how can i put this on anyone else ?

I ******* hate myself right now and feel like a total ***** :(

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    Hi pj don't blame yourself can you get others together so if nead can support each other, so sorry you're sister took it bad, she'll get over it remember you've the ill one,, remember your going to be cured, unless you start smoking again, like we all say relax keep carm you haven't done anything wrong, good luck with others (could you tell the strong ones first help things along a bit, good luck,

    Been struggling to get it to send third time lucky 

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    Hi PJ

    As Billy has said dont blame yourself. Your sister got upset bacause she cares about you and your brother will too.

    It is tempting to go it alone but I think your loved ones would prefer you to share,its a heavy burden on your own.

    You may find once your sister has got over her initial shock she will be a rock for you.

    Take it from me I am going it alone from here on and its not a good place to be.I wish I had a careing sister and brother.Mine are rocks hard as rocks! I wish I had never told them a thing.

    You will feel better tomorrow,give her a wee call. xxx

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    Hi pj sorry for making a mess of your string, everything going wrong as you can tell if you want to hit me, virtually I hope again so sorry about your sister, but at least she knows pop and she her again both have a good heart to heart maby cry let it all out, best wishes.

    Billy 

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    Hi pj please reply worried about you I know you are very sensitive about this you know I struggle with right words, maybe [@Chris S]‍ or [@Sandra123]‍, could help me with the right words, love,,, Billy.

    Sorry hiccups 

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    Hi pj, please reply, know your upset because of your sister. You know I not to good with words, maybe [@Chris S]‍, or [@Sandra123]‍ will help me out, remember we're like one big family, one hurts we all hurt, XXX Billy 

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    Hi Billy...

    Don't worry , I'm sure P J is just sorting her feelings out .. I can private message ... she knows I'm here for her ... 

    It happened to me to ... my niece was sobbing too for ages ... and I had to find a way to calm her ... it's the shock on hearing the word cancer ... it can be as hard for loved ones as our selfs hearing it ... 

    So don't worry , I'll send her a message now ... 

  • Offline in reply to Chriss

    Thanks Chris

    Hi pj have you got travel bag full yet, including kettle, i hope you've got some posh, Pjs to go with your private room,, I've had a holdall ready for a couple of years now only thing missing is my phone, go see your sister talk it out properly both have a good cry it'll do you both good,, don't put it off to long, it only makes things worse, your best friend Billy, xx

    P.s i don't have many friends so I have to help you any way I can, best wishes 

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    Dear PJ, don't feel guilty, they would have found out later and been cross with you, you really can't win!  We didn't tell our daughters  until we knew what it was and they got cross and upset but I used my options of its our decision when to tell people, not theirs, they calmed down and talked sensibly after that.  So take a step back, this is your fight and you need support, not negativity, lots of support here for you.  Time to be Number One, look after you first.  Much love, Carol x 

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    Hi pj were all here for you if you want to talk, have a good rant we'd like to help any way we can, your the one who will need help in the future you'll need some support to get well again,, please don't push us away. Best wishes. Billy 

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    Hi huni I hD the same thing when I told my family it was the hardest thing in the world but they love you they will work it out xxx

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