Hi ya ..

Cancer still manages to shock me over the last two years I've been here ... it's beond crule ..

If I were you I'd go on Marie Currie home page and call them .. have your questions written down ... as it's easy to forget them .. ask them how you can find out why they have changed course ... I can't get my head around that either .. I've heard some good things about immunotherapy... though I don't know the criteria ... but find out where to go .. or if you have your oncology team number give them a call and tell them just how confused and angry it's made you ... 

You should have a care plan now ... call any one and everyone for support right now .. when I'd had my masectomy l thought I didn't have much time .. so I got my head in as good a place as possible... and said o.k ... now make every day count .. do things I always wanted to do ... tell everyone how much I loved them .. left my little granddaughter (5) at the time a memory book so she could look at it and know how much she ment to me .. 

I didn't want to waste a day .. and you know any one .. any age ... healthy as well can't know if they will be here tomorrow... we have that chance to leave nothing unsaid ... this cancer is with us always .. every day is a bonus .. coz that cancer wants you to just give in .. lay down and wait ... well don't let it win .. let's leave lovely memories as long as we can ... and you know my last thought when I go is I'll be sticking two fingers up to cancer .. saying it may have took my body .. but it won't ever change who I am ...

I'm here most days .. if you want a chat or vent .. sending you a vertual hug... Chrissie  

Hi thanks for your reply.I just don't want to do anything.I am so upset I am hoping if I am not going to eat or drink it will go faster.If they don't want to help me let's do it faster.

My oncology team is rubbish and I hate all of them I don't think they do enough for me.I just living with my husband and when I said about signing the DNAR form and choose a care home he went absolutely furious.

I hate listening from my doctors people have a good response even on "palliative chemo".What response? To gain 4 months?That's what I want to know if it's worth to loose your hair,fingernails,be sick unable to travel or go out?

Hi ...

That's why I said call Marie Currie... they are there for those thoughts your having .. talk to them instead of oncology team .. tell them how you feel  ... you have to reach out for someone to help .. but in the end it's your decision ... wer all here with cancer .. there's lots going through chemo .. not knowing if it will work ..

And we have a few that help others on here that have a terminal diagnosis... that will know how you feel .. it's just finding whatever path you want to take .. no one can make you do anything ... but I really hope you find a way to call Marie Currie... Chrissie xx

Hi Denise, I am so sorry to hear you have had such bad news.  Is it worth a second opinion as they have changed their first prognosis so drastically.  Chemotherapy is extremely hard on the person who is having it, my husband is incurable and had it all but its not the easiest route to take.  Maybe your husband is in shock and isn't prepared to talk about death of his wife just now.  Try and talk to someone not emotionally involved to get a clearer picture so you can control the situation a little better.  I'm at a loss as to what other help I can offer.  My thoughts are with you and your family.  Carol x

Hi Denise,

I am so sorry that you find yourself in this awful situation. Have you had a frank discussion with your consultant? It doesn't sound like you have, but you need to know exactly why you are not being offered surgery or other treatments. Write down a list of questions and ask your consultant for a discussion. If you can , bring your hubby with you.

If you are not happy with what you are told, you are perfectly entitled to ask for a second opinion. I have had 2 bouts of breast cancer in the past 10 years and didn't have a good experience to start with. I eventually changed to another consultant and care team. The difference was like chalk and cheese. I have a great team now and couldn't be happier with them all.

I sincerely hope that you get to this stage too. You really have to have faith in your care team and, feel that they are doing everything they can for you.

Please keep in touch and, let us know how you get on. We are always here for you.

Kind regards,

Jolamine xx

Hi Denise, I totally understand you're anger and frustration. I was diagnosed earlier in the year with bowel cancer. The primary tumour had spread to both lobes of my liver. 

I was told that it was inoperable, and palliative chemo was all they could offer. 

Mainly to stop the spread to other organs. 

My world collapsed, you hear the C word, and automatically feel its game over. 

I went through the same reaction and fears that you are having. I start my 6th cycle of Chemo next week. 

I've experienced very few side effects, maybe I'm lucky, I don't know. But not everyone suffers terrible sickness, hairloss, or the many bad things associated with chemo. 

Please, talk to you're oncologist or nurse, take your husband with you, you both need to be able to take all this in. And support each other.

Yes... These are scary times, but have faith in yourself. 

As my brother told me in my early stages of this.. If they can stop this spreading, you don't get any worse. 

This is what I tell myself every day. 

My chemo nurses are amazing, and it's no longer a scary place to visit. 

I have my scans next month, to see how things are going, hopefully.... Good news. 

I hope my words have helped in some way Denise. 

I've never posted about my cancer, or ever wanted to. 

But when I saw your post, I decided to, I understand. 

Stay strong

Daz

Hi Daz thanks for your supportive words.I had breast cancer  more then 2 years ago and had chemo too.I had no side effects but it triggered mental health issues.I have a pretty rubbish oncology team first they promised me there are lots of options now this doctor told me only rubbish chemo?I am not happy at all.There is no communication.They keep waiting me and now I am waiting since 10.6. to be done something.They carry on testing but what for?Anyway I will just get a chemo so what's the point?I don't think they want to treat me at all.They want to wait in till it spread to my major organs so they don't have to do anything.I am really disappointed from the healthcare.I am only 42 and I am refusing that they already written me off.How?1now I have to wait until next week Wednesday for the plan "apparently they are testing the lung issues"if it's hormone receptive.What makes it difference?Still will be the horrible chemo.

Denise, we have spoken before as i'm sure you will rememeber. I don't really know how things work yet but can you not request to be passed to a different team ? 

People with mental health issues can still be treated you know and while treatment can make many people depressed, it doesn't happen with everyone. Just because your last treatment triggered your depression, doesn't mean that it will do it again and if it does then you are more aware of it now and can ask for help.

I doubt very much that your claim of the oncologist trying to leave you  so that the cancer can spread is utter tosh, i'm sorry but that is just nonsense, It seems to me that you are the one who has written yourself off so you can't lay all of that on your oncology team.

In our previous chats, you stated that you were not prepared to talk to any of your team or your GP or anyone for that matter and that you hated them all so how do you know what they can offer you if you won't speak to them. Sometimes in life we all have to bend a little and we all have to eat humble pie and actually ask for help.

Yes, my words may seem harsh but you have a husband, don't you want to spend the rest of your time with him with some happy thoughts instead of all the anger you have now. Make peace with yourself first then take it from there. We are all scared and angry that we or our loved ones have cancer but it's here and it won't go away on it's own.

I do hope that you some of the answers of the replies people have left for you go some way in helping you come to terms with what is happening. 

Hi Puddle-jumper,thanks for your response but not all the health care professionals actually care and not all they do a proper job.How you explain that one day he tells me we have lots of treatment options and 1 week later he tells me I belong to the hospice?I am 42 and I don't believe to this rubbish and that they can't do more for people with stage 4 and I am not ready to say goodbye to my husband and arrange my funeral I find it morbid and early.I just don't find it fair that they offer more treatment for some people and for some people not.I have done some research and I know that even for stage 4 can offer more then only a chemo.

You don't have the experience with misdiagnosis as me.So don't tell me that all doctors are so brilliant and that I have to write my last will now.